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Location: Sherwood, Arkansas
Gender: Female
Born: September 23, 1943
Member: Eternal Premier Author
Joined: December 2015

November 2018

"May those who love us, love us.
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles,
So we'll know them by their limping."
(an old Celtic blessing)
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Michael McCottry Bell Jr
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damommy: When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said, 'Strip down, facing me.'

Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as he instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out he was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader!

I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer.

I still don't think I looked that bad.

January 16, 2020 at 5:59PM
    DR DIP: hehe too funny

    January 16, 2020 at 6:30PM
    Kerry Robinson: Haha-ha😂🤣🤣
    That?s hilarious, I can?t stop laughing.
    January 16, 2020 at 10:06PM
    Katelynn Magee: hahaha. i have to help my mom insert her card all the time this is too funny!
    January 17, 2020 at 1:32AM
    juliaSjames: Hilarious. LOLOL
    January 17, 2020 at 11:33AM
    damommy: Thanks to you all. I'm so glad you found it as funny as I did.
    January 17, 2020 at 1:12PM
    mrsmajor: Ha Ha that's the funniest think I've heard in a while...LOL
    January 22, 2020 at 12:41PM
    D.F. Wood: OMG, you had me going. I was wondering "WHAT". You have made my day by bringing me a smile. Thank you.
    January 22, 2020 at 1:50PM
    sandramitchell: LOL!! Yvonne you are soooo funny, the twist at the end had me screeching with laughter!! I really believed you for a while there! Lol.
    January 23, 2020 at 11:26AM

damommy: If you ever see me running, run like hell, too. I?m far too lazy to be running without a good reason.
January 7, 2020 at 2:38PM

damommy: The person who thought it?s a good idea to put the light switch outside of the bathroom clearly didn?t have any siblings.
January 5, 2020 at 7:01PM
    giraffmang: Guilty as charged...
    January 6, 2020 at 2:47AM
    Kerry Robinson: That's really funny. lol
    I for some weird reason have one to the bathroom ceiling light in my kitchen. There is another in the bathroom which is for lights above the vanity. It's so strange.

    January 6, 2020 at 2:35PM

damommy: I weighed myself today. It is clear I am too small for my weight.
December 14, 2019 at 2:00PM
    sandramitchell: LOL! I have the same problem, Yvonne, it's so frustrating, isn't it? lol!!!
    December 19, 2019 at 1:25PM
    Kerry Robinson: Haha-ha, that?s funny.🤣
    December 20, 2019 at 1:43AM

damommy: Ron Chester, 89 years of age, was stopped by the police around 1 AM and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"

Ron replied, "That would be my wife."

November 23, 2019 at 6:26PM
    Ms. Snyder: HAHAHAHAHA - I absolutely loved this joke! Cheers
    November 24, 2019 at 11:37PM
    Bro0ksi8: That is just tooooooo funny.
    December 14, 2019 at 10:00AM

damommy: A rancher was persuaded to cross-breed his cattle with hyenas. It was a disaster! The offspring were the laughingstock of the community.

November 22, 2019 at 4:32PM
    sandramitchell: LOL!!!! What are you on, Yvonne?? I'd like some of it? LOL!
    November 22, 2019 at 5:36PM

damommy: Don?t bother walking a mile in my shoes, that would be boring.
Spend 30 seconds in my head, that?ll freak you right out.
November 11, 2019 at 2:05PM
    EveLovell: hahaahah love it, damommy, and as for my brain, ditto, lol
    November 11, 2019 at 4:57PM

damommy: Sometimes someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere that makes your heart race and changes you forever . . . we call these people cops.
November 5, 2019 at 12:53PM
    WryWriter: Or heroes.
    November 5, 2019 at 4:17PM
    Bro0ksi8: Especially, when you are driving your husbands car and you can't remember where the registration is located.
    December 14, 2019 at 10:04AM

damommy: I asked my son if he'd seen my newspaper. He told me that newspapers are old school. He said people use tablets and iPads today, and handed me his iPad. That fly didn't stand a chance.

October 31, 2019 at 1:37PM
    Pantygynt: Nor did the iPad I imagine!
    October 31, 2019 at 2:50PM
    damommy: Right! lol
    October 31, 2019 at 6:58PM

damommy: Check out scholarship for Pantygynt's poetry class!!! Go to the 'Clubs' tab under 'Social' tab.
October 28, 2019 at 9:23PM

damommy: I had a really bad day yesterday.

First, my ex got run over by a bus.

Then, I got fired from my job as a bus driver.
October 27, 2019 at 4:36PM
    CD Richards: LOL pinching it for sure.
    October 27, 2019 at 9:48PM
    damommy: Thanks for reading this. I'm glad it gave you a laugh.
    October 28, 2019 at 6:40PM

damommy: Last night, I dreamed I was walking on the beach. I guess that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning.
October 17, 2019 at 12:54PM
    WryWriter: Tooo funnyyy!!
    October 18, 2019 at 2:25AM
    alf collier: Oh wow, hope that was sand between your toes!!
    October 21, 2019 at 6:05PM

damommy: We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It's cheaper, and you get more feet.
- Rita Rudner
October 9, 2019 at 7:22PM
    jlsavell: So cute, you will love those little critters. I have a few.
    October 10, 2019 at 11:03AM
    Diana L Crawford: hahaha! so that's the answer! LOL!
    October 11, 2019 at 4:08PM

damommy: A bowl of rice is great if you're hungry and want 2,000 of something.
September 28, 2019 at 12:09AM
    Jannypan (Jan) : Well, those 2,000 little sticks need something to hold them together like 2,000 chocolate chip cookies. You know 1 to 1 correlation.
    September 28, 2019 at 1:51AM
    damommy: hahahaha
    September 28, 2019 at 12:31PM
    JLR: I have resubmitted the free verse with revisions JLR (Jim)
    September 29, 2019 at 9:54AM

damommy: I just talked with our good friend Douglas Paul. He's determined to be up and about soon. His attitude is an inspiration! Let's pray that he will.
September 26, 2019 at 2:43PM
    Jannypan (Jan) : My prayers are with him! Thank you for the update.
    September 26, 2019 at 2:51PM

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Poetry 16 (+4)
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