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Janilou

Alchera
25-Oct-2020
For the review on
Deep Dumb Silence by Alchera

Chapter 29 of the book THE SEEDS OF IGNORANCE

Excellent
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Yes! It is in English, the only language at which I am proficient! :-)

What a fascinating poem this is. The mind wanders all over the church wondering just where these words have been seen.

Excellent and clever wording.

Very well done!


Jan


victortouche
Thank you, Jan.
16-Jul-2020
For the review on
Just to Be by victortouche

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A very interesting piece indeed. The closing line says it all. We need to believe in ourselves.

Loved these lines:

Resurrection
The Phoenix flies again

Certainly didn't find anything to suggest for edits or corrections.

All the best.
Jan


JudyE
I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. I do hope she's recovers quickly. It must be such a worry even if the symptoms are mild. I remember Silverback and look forward to renewing my acquaintance with those characters. :)
Take care
Judy
13-Jul-2020
For the review on
The Journey Begins (2nd Half) by Janilou

Chapter 56 of the book Jirvania

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I had tears in my eyes when I thought Julu had died but thankfully you saved her. What a great story-teller you are. lol

A few points for consideration:
A bright light streamed the room and everyone gasped as the most beautiful creature they'd ever seen stepped into view. - did you mean 'streamed into the room'?

It's a sight no-one who sees a living star in person is ever likely to forget. - this line is present tense. Would it be better as past tense? 'It was a sight ...

Lulana's deep blue gown sparkled with gold and silver lights that reflected off every surface in the room as she laughed. - I might have rearranged this. Perhaps 'Lulana laughed as the sparkling gold and silver lights of her deep blue gown reflected off every surface in the room.'

"Hello fellow travellers," Karel's deep voice boomed. - comma after 'Hello'?

around the side of the majestic Muse mountain. - should 'mountain' be capitalised?

It's been a pleasure to read your tale and to try to help in some way. I wish you the very best of luck with it.

Cheers
Judy


Sandra du Plessis
Thank you for your kind comments and feedback.

Have a great day,
Sandra.
05-Jul-2020
For the review on
Receive Instruction Of Wisdom by Sandra du Plessis

Chapter 2 of the book Wisdom & Truths to start the day

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Lovely poem. We do indeed need to pass along knowledge to the youth of today so hopefully they can do a better job than we have!
I didn't see any errors.
Well written

Jan


Sally Law
Well, Jan dear, I hope you'll catch up. You've done well if you were able to piece this together. The is the second book of "What The Blind Girl Saw." It's a different story with old and new characters. My dog, King, is still the star. So glad to see you and read your super kind review.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xoxo
04-Jul-2020
For the review on
Double Blind~Chapter Eleven by Sally Law

Chapter 11 of the book Double Blind

Excellent
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Well, now, this was a chilling story to say the least! You have left me wondering what the outcome will be, and wanting to read the next chapter for sure.
It was a little difficult for me to figure out what was going on, but that's because I'm coming in at chapter 11 and not because of your writing.
I found no edits needed. No errors noted.
All the best,
Jan


bertodi
thank you- it was meant to be none English speakers, but didn't fit properly, and we often swallow our words.
03-Jul-2020
For the review on
Argentina in! by bertodi

Excellent
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An interesting poem indeed. I have a question.

none english see only the smiles
but we know our devils
though we can say little


Did you mean 'Non' English here?

Other than that, I saw no potential issues. It's a complex poem, and I am not sure I really understood it, but it flows nicely and your artwork is beautiful!
All the best,
Jan


estory
Thanks for the excellent review and your wonderful comments supporting this poem. I am glad the clothes and the fabric came to life through those images, I worked hard to create this surreal effect of transcendence. I thought of the silk worms spinning their cocoons and the cottonfields dreaming themselves into shirts for this estory
29-Jun-2020
For the review on
Threads pt. 1: Spinning Wheels by estory

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

What a beautiful tribute to the vanishing industry. I loved the way you brought the clothing to life with the analogies you used.
Very nice. It certainly is abstract and has a light, airy feel, yet it is beautiful and a great tribute indeed.


persevere
Thank you, Jan, for a great review and good wishes. Go well.
29-Jun-2020
For the review on
Illusion by persevere

Excellent
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What a fascinating subject for a free verse poem.

Am I an illusion?

Indeed! I loved your author's notes explaining this poem even further. It is quite an interesting thought to consider how we see and hear ourselves.
Thanks for writing this. I enjoyed it.
All the best,
Jan


Anne-Marie brison
wow!! thanks sooo much!!
28-Jun-2020
For the review on
In her lair by Anne-Marie brison

Chapter 23 of the book Fantasy Eye

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Another action packed chapter. It sounds as though they might be in for quite the adventure!

I found a few minor edits needed. See Notes below.
All the best,
Jan


Notes:

What did you find?" I asked as Holly and Ron lead me back farther into the woods.

If this is past tense I believe it should read

What did you find?" I asked as Holly and Ron led me back farther into the woods.

stareing

staring


"I sure hope (your) right,". I said, as I followed Holly

you're


Jannypan (Jan)
Thank you, Jan, for your time reading and reviewing. Both greatly appreciated.
Respectfully, Jan
28-Jun-2020
For the review on
Sky Woke Up On The Wrong Side by Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I admire your skill at putting this together. Wow. Interesting to think about the sun having "attitude" LOL
An amusing read.
Well done. No errors noted.
All the best,
Jan



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