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mountainwriter49

amada
Thank you for reviewing my work.
03-Dec-2019
For the review on
Class 7 Trochaic Meter - Nancy by amada

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi, Nancy

Thanks so much for working on this late assignment this afternoon. I appreciate your efforts! I've scanned your 5 lines and offer the following comments:

You've done well with this, particularly since it is your first trochaic meter writing!. The words you missed for meter are common problems, so don't fret. Just jot them down in your word list of tricky words.

-Ray

YEL/low/FLO/wers/A/round/GREEN/soft/FO/rest
****YELL ow FLOW ers a ROUND GREEN soft FOR est
The natural stress on 'around' is the second syllable, thus throwing off the trochees. You could fix this by ellipses around to 'round.
Yellow flowers 'round green soft forest

GLO/rious/SIGHT/I/MIGHT/em/BRACE/with/WON/der
***This line works very well. No meter problems, but I would suggest eclipsing glorious to glor'yous so it is read as two rather than three syllables.

TIME/brings/CLOUDS/ov'r/DAYS/with/BURN/ing/DARK/ness
***excellent trochees!

BUT/ter/FLIES/and/RO/bins/RE/claim/MOR/nings
**The natural stress on 'reclaim' is the second syllable, thus throwing off the trochees. A possible work around:
Butter flies and robins quietly reclaim mornings
BUT ter FLIES and ROB ins QUI et LY re CLAIM new DAY (just an idea to get you thinking on how the line can be tweaked to get it back in meter)


BE/cause/RO/bins/RE/claim/MOR/ning/A/gain ????
***is this an alternative line to the previous one?


amada
Thank you Ray for your great class and your nice review.
03-Dec-2019
For the review on
Class 8, Writing - Nancy by amada

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi, Nancy

I apologize for getting to this so late.

The first stanza's iambs are good and solid. No suggested changes.

In the second stanza,

~(in/HASTE/my/FIN/gers/WOULD/twist/RUM/ble/BANG, HOWL = 11
**This is not trochaic. I tis iambic nor is it feminine. A feminine ending must be an unstressed syllable, usually the ending of a poly syllabic word, or a 'light' mono-syllabic word.

MAE/stro: /NE/ver/WAS/your/BLUN/der BE/cause
***Good Troche until 'because. The natural stress on 'because' is the second syllable.

All other lines in the second stanza are good iambic meter.

You're doing well in refining and developing this sonnet, Nancy!

See you in class in a few.

Ray


MissMerri
Yes, we had our power out for a couple of days and nights, even though we did not have a breath of wind in our neighborhood. Since we have a well, we were also without water, which was worse than no lights. But in the bigger scheme of things, it is pretty insignificant.
11-Oct-2019
For the review on
For Brooke by mountainwriter49

Chapter 24 of the book Remembering Brooke (adewpearl)

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I see you posted this in March, but for some reason (perhaps my own busyness) I didn't see it until today. It is a perfect blank verse, and so beautifully descriptive of Brooke's work. You managed to incorporate all her favorite things, from dandelions to fairies, reminding us all of how much we miss her... how she will never be forgotten by those who knew her. Thanks so much for sharing this. I miss you, too, favorite Teach.


MissMerri
Thank you for your wonderful comments Ray, and for the extra star, too. I just edited the poem and inserted a next to last verse. I'd love to know if you think it clarifies the metaphor a bit more. Thanks so much for your consistent encouragement. It is always a treat to hear from you. ~MM
21-Sep-2019
For the review on
Circle of Sight by MissMerri

Chapter 6 of the book Love Lights

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Happy Saturday, Adonna,

I was pleased to find your poem's notice in my inbox this morning. Your poem is gorgeous, a perfect poem of faith. The sentiment expressed in the poem through your lovely phrasing is perfect. The trochaic meter is spot-on and effective in delivering your message. I like the ABCB rhyme pattern. A beautiful poem and a terrific new addition to your new book.

Well penned, my friend.
-Ray


juliaSjames
Hello Ray, it's great to hear from you. Hope you are happy and healthy, and still writing. Life has had its ups and downs but I'm grateful for each moment. Happy that a few stalwarts are still onsite, Warren Rodgers, Rd, MissMerri et al. And that a great friend, Pearlecat, returned just after I did.

Take care, my friend

Blessings Julia
14-Aug-2019
For the review on
For Brooke by mountainwriter49

Chapter 24 of the book Remembering Brooke (adewpearl)

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I've just returned to FS and it's sad to learn that Brooke is no longer with us in physical form although her spirit will endure in those of us who knew and admired her and loved her work. May she rest in peace.


Beautiful poem of tribute Ray. Enjoyable although bittersweet to read.


Jmf4119
Thank you for all your encouragement Ray. I am honored with your kind comments and the special six stars.

Blessings
Janet
03-May-2019
For the review on
spring by Jmf4119

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hi Janet

What a lovely haiku suite. You've captured spring so aptly in these well penned haiku. They are succinct and create wonderful visuals for the reader.

Well done, my friend.
Ray


l.raven
you are so welcome Ray...I so miss her...love xxoo
03-Apr-2019
For the review on
For Brooke by mountainwriter49

Chapter 24 of the book Remembering Brooke (adewpearl)

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Ray, she was an amazing friend and teacher...I would wait for her to come and correct my mistakes after I posted a poem...she would always my my smile my sweet friend....I miss her so much...like so many on FanStory do...I know she is at peace in Heaven...I love your poem Ray...and she will never be forgotten...love Linda Xxoo


Pam (respa)
You are very welcome, Ray, it was a lovely tribute.
22-Mar-2019
For the review on
For Brooke by mountainwriter49

Chapter 24 of the book Remembering Brooke (adewpearl)

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

-Thank you for sharing your
tribute for Brooke, Ray.
-She would be so pleased that you did.
-I like how you use the seasons as the
theme of your poem and relate them to her.
-The imagery is beautiful and heartfelt.
-Most special for me are:
"Adewpearl always topped
my poet's Christmas tree"
and the last two lines.
-I have been saying to a number
of people sharing that I think she
is looking down and smiling at
all of the poems, writing, and
reviews from each of us who
knew her and cared deeply about her.
-You are missed on FS, and I hope you
can share your talent whenever you can.
-I don't know if you are reading
what others are writing, but I
am putting my tribute in on Sun.
-I hope you can stop by.


His Grayness
all thanks go to you! VAnce
21-Mar-2019
For the review on
For Brooke by mountainwriter49

Chapter 24 of the book Remembering Brooke (adewpearl)

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Excellent work here, continuing the gratitude and warmth of love and respect for this lovely lost poet who we all miss so very much indeed! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance


Gloria ....
I hope the family authorizes a multi-collection too. I always thought Brooke's poetry was of the highest level. Thank you so much Ray for an exceptional rating and fantastic review. :))

Gloria
20-Mar-2019
For the review on
The Golden Ratio by Gloria ....

Chapter 25 of the book Remembering Brooke (adewpearl)

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Good Afternoon, Gloria,

I am awed by your tribute to Brooke. Simply awed. You've well captured Brooke, her poetry and her contributions to literature, poetry and to so many of us who knew and loved her as friend, mentor, poet, etc.

I hope her family will authorize a multi-volume collection of her poetry. Her voice is one that should live on for centuries. Somehow, Gloria, your words just brings that to the surface,

So well written and presented, my friend.

-Ray



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