While the idea is good, my eyes and mind skipped around too much.

I found too many adverbs, too much passive voice and too much language to keep the piece flowing for me - it bogged down...

You must be an awesome essay writer - you have so many great writing skills as demonstrated here. However, sometimes 'said' is better than 'boomed' or 'explained' or 'endeavored' or whatever. Your use of great description nails these points - overwriting takes away and makes the reader want to skip sections.

You are a talented writer with a good story - just simplify a bit.

Nice poem with a great presentation!

I love:

So you know pain
and you know loss,
and you know of
eternal cost.

I know this is a serious poem, yet I have to chuckle as I'm reminded of a line by Ralph Kramden on the Honeymooners, "You'd better be nice to people on your way up, cuz you're gonna see them again on your way down."

I like:

The steps are many
and worn with dreams.

I like the repetition of the beginning lines at the end, with a few subtle changes...

Great job - I'm lost in this poem and weaving my thoughts into your phrasing.

Good job!

Yikes - I may never fall asleep again - at least not at night!

I love:

Darkness creeps in stealthily
One little step at a time
Till dusk blinks its last
And day takes a final breath
Plunging the world into night

I can see, hear, feel and see this happening - beautiful wording...

I also like the darkness of the poem that follows the darkness of the night in the next 2 verses.

In the last verse, I like how you come close to repeating the first 2 lines of the poem, with subtle changes.

I also love the doom of day ending.

It's solid and thought provoking - great job.

Nice work with a nice presentation.

Your uplifting poem is so simple and sincere.

I love:

Flora yield to his finger's touch
All species dance to his rhythm
Man only achieves such and such
By bending to his stately whim

Those thoughts are so clear!

Bravo! ...and good luck in the contest.

Wow - this poem holds a powerful message.

Indeed, Mondays hold a special place of beginning of the work week for many. You describe those feelings of just not wanting to get up, but pushing on thru - that's what's expected, after all...

I love:

But the servant has no choice
He must bid his body rise
Meet demands of Master Money
Tomorrow, he can tend the body

Although unrhymed, this poem has the feeling of a rhymed piece, with a great meter.

All too true, by the time most people decide to take the time to rest their body and soul, it is often too late...

I really like this piece - it has a good lesson, told well.

Bravo!

Congrats on your win!

You did an goood job on this, which is more of a senryu than a haiku as it relates to people, rather than nature...

However, you used awesome economy of words - a huge issue with me - and summed things up in you last word!

I'm far from a poet - but started loving Haikus in grammar school... In my Haiku Harvest, I rant in my notes about the more traditional forms vs fs cantests...

Anyway, I'm a sucker for this - CHOCOLATE!!!

Great job! It's a hiaku form, and not a sentence whacked into 3 lines with the right syllable count! YAY!!!

You are too funny - writing a poem to explain your win.

OMG - you have me laughing...

You should feel bad - your first haiku-form poem and you wrote a better poem - more in line with the Asian picture words - than many accomplished poets on this site!!!

I even got muted by one of my favorite writers on fs in a blind contes review cuz I made a comment about it being prose...

This piece is too cute and too funny!

You rock, so just keep doing what you're doing!!!

Great job - and yes, those colors rock, too!

What a strong contest entry with an awesome presentation.

...lol - back to the devil again, huh?

I find this form, as well as others like it, difficult to read and review.

Most read like prose (which always feels like a cop-out - I hesitate to bring that up to most, as it is so subjective, and I just dabble in poetry). I am delighted to see your poem has a true cadence and fantastic rhyme pattern!

Very good read - very clever use of this form.

Great job.

Best Wishes in the contest...

You followed the contest rules with a solid poem and great presentation! Thanks for highlighting the required words - it makes it so much easier to review!

I like your rhymes (including slants) and you have a nice cadence.

LOL - indeed we should be careful of our wishes. Imagine dreaming of being a kid again and coming back as the opposite sex! Oh, yeah, you did!

Anyway, you took me right along on this journey and I enjoyed being in your poem.

Great job!

Best wishes in the contest!

You fulfilled the contest requirements and I love your presentation.

I'm not big on watching golf, it's like watching paint dry to me. In fact, LOL - watching paint dry is less boring!

However, you had me laughing - it was a fun read with a great flow. I like how you wrote in free verse, but added the couplet of tight rhyme and meter:

The young against the old
with stories to be told

It created a great effect!

Thanks for your notes, too. I knew some of that, but not all... It really helped me!

Bravo! You made golf not boring!!! You should win on that alone!

Seriously, best wishes in the contest!