Free wheeling hypnotic stuff. The kind of rambling that would make a Doc believe that you had actually gone off your meds. You actually do a great job of justifying
a myriad of philosophies and flipping or twisting the meaning of others.
--chilling--dm

Very nice poem. It caught the personality of the person you wrote about very well-short but with a lot of meaning. *****stars! Congrats!

I remember this I know I read it. Listen minus the horrid language that I've learned are just words it us great okay. You write very well. Why are those vulgar words necessary? They aren't. You got it going on without them for real.... Hugs.

I remember this I know I read it. Listen minus the horrid language that I've learned are just words it us great okay. You write very well. Why are those vulgar words necessary? They aren't. You got it going on without them for real.... Hugs.

Have you heard the phrase 'payback is hell'? I give you Bobby-George, exhibit A.

"Can you believe I just got fucked by Mother Nature!" He said' You have two of these in the piece. It's a speech tag. You would use a lower case 'he'. This is the same after Question marks too.

He chopped down on some chicken ' Maybe chomped?

Yep, he slipped on the newly cleaned title floor, and he knocked this cactus plant on the windowsill down on the floor, and it had this long stem that was sticking out of it, and Bobby- George's hospital gown was all open, in the back, and he was butt-naked, and sure enough, he fell right back down on that cactus plant!

You have six complete sentences within this paragraph. My suggestion is pare them two a piece and delete some 'ands'.

I am going to award you five stars for the humor element. You just need to clean up your grammar. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I would interested in reading more of your work.

Take care,
Russell

Hi Brewster, no, I don't think that true love would ever die, It stays with you to your end, beautifully penned poem with good rhythm and flow and excellent rhyming my friend.

Hi, I loved your story and I thought it was highly entertaining. I was laughing when I was spat out at the end. So much was unexpected.

I would combine all of the sentences up until 'Grandmama ..."
Wake has no (?)

Check spelling of Isle throughout (aisle)

Oh baby Jesus(!) (G)et me through this one(,)

Lose the and's and buts at the start of sentences.

Raiders Of The...

I would combine more of your short sentences if you could

There are still quite a lot of grammar spags throughout, I am not a great editor myself. I have picked up a few and you tend to favour passive voice. All are easy fixes though.

I have similar problems myself.

I still enjoyed your story, kindest regards Helen x

Your formation is good and it is easy to read. I like the way you inform us what had happened in the beginning. Nic poem. ****stars. Good poem.

Very good poem. It made you think all great it would be if all the wars ended at 11:0 o'clock. When we value life more than greed and death. Good poem. ****stars Congrats!

Very good poem. It made you think all great it would be if all the wars ended at 11:0 o'clock. When we value life more than greed and death. Good poem. ****stars Congrats!