Football Chapter 14 part 2
Katherine and Gabriel talk.
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Brewster

richie m
no judgement -- just a weak attempt @ humor.--dm
16-Apr-2016
For the review on
The Book Of Satan by Brewster

Chapter 10032 of the book The Book Of Satan

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Free wheeling hypnotic stuff. The kind of rambling that would make a Doc believe that you had actually gone off your meds. You actually do a great job of justifying
a myriad of philosophies and flipping or twisting the meaning of others.
--chilling--dm


aprilkmcleish
Thank you for your response. Yes, I tried to get a lot of meaning into a very short poem.
07-Apr-2016
For the review on
Red by aprilkmcleish

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Very nice poem. It caught the personality of the person you wrote about very well-short but with a lot of meaning. *****stars! Congrats!


foxangie123
Hugging you...
05-Apr-2016
For the review on
Mother Nature by Brewster

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I remember this I know I read it. Listen minus the horrid language that I've learned are just words it us great okay. You write very well. Why are those vulgar words necessary? They aren't. You got it going on without them for real.... Hugs.


foxangie123
You are far from vulgar my friend because I see your Heavenly glow just like I told you the first day we crossed paths. Xo
04-Apr-2016
For the review on
Mother Nature by Brewster

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I remember this I know I read it. Listen minus the horrid language that I've learned are just words it us great okay. You write very well. Why are those vulgar words necessary? They aren't. You got it going on without them for real.... Hugs.


F. Wehr3
You're welcome. For the record, I am a terrible self editor, lol. My hope is that you can apply some of things and notice them in other works as well. Please ask questions if you do have them.

Take care,
Russell
03-Apr-2016
For the review on
Mother Nature by Brewster

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Have you heard the phrase 'payback is hell'? I give you Bobby-George, exhibit A.

"Can you believe I just got fucked by Mother Nature!" He said' You have two of these in the piece. It's a speech tag. You would use a lower case 'he'. This is the same after Question marks too.

He chopped down on some chicken ' Maybe chomped?

Yep, he slipped on the newly cleaned title floor, and he knocked this cactus plant on the windowsill down on the floor, and it had this long stem that was sticking out of it, and Bobby- George's hospital gown was all open, in the back, and he was butt-naked, and sure enough, he fell right back down on that cactus plant!

You have six complete sentences within this paragraph. My suggestion is pare them two a piece and delete some 'ands'.

I am going to award you five stars for the humor element. You just need to clean up your grammar. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. I would interested in reading more of your work.

Take care,
Russell


Eric1
You are welcome my friend.
03-Apr-2016
For the review on
Light Entities by Brewster

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Brewster, no, I don't think that true love would ever die, It stays with you to your end, beautifully penned poem with good rhythm and flow and excellent rhyming my friend.


Helen Bach
They are all easy fixes and didn't distract from my pleasure at your ability as a writer. That's why authors need editors lol, I find the reviews are very helpful on here at picking up what we miss x
03-Apr-2016
For the review on
Grandmama by Brewster

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi, I loved your story and I thought it was highly entertaining. I was laughing when I was spat out at the end. So much was unexpected.

I would combine all of the sentences up until 'Grandmama ..."
Wake has no (?)

Check spelling of Isle throughout (aisle)

Oh baby Jesus(!) (G)et me through this one(,)

Lose the and's and buts at the start of sentences.

Raiders Of The...

I would combine more of your short sentences if you could

There are still quite a lot of grammar spags throughout, I am not a great editor myself. I have picked up a few and you tend to favour passive voice. All are easy fixes though.

I have similar problems myself.

I still enjoyed your story, kindest regards Helen x


Patrick Astre
Hello Brewster
Thank you for the review and kind words. I appreciate it. Next chapter coming up.
Warm regards,
Patrick Astre
02-Apr-2016
For the review on
Khan gives instruction2 by Patrick Astre

Chapter 10032 of the book The Boomer-Protocols

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Your formation is good and it is easy to read. I like the way you inform us what had happened in the beginning. Nic poem. ****stars. Good poem.


Eric1
Mmmm.
01-Apr-2016
For the review on
Going Home by Eric1

Chapter 9 of the book WW1

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Very good poem. It made you think all great it would be if all the wars ended at 11:0 o'clock. When we value life more than greed and death. Good poem. ****stars Congrats!


Eric1
Hi Brewster, thank you for reviewing my humble poem, I was a bit disappointed with 4 stars after you seemed to enjoy it so much, is there any way I could improve it my friend.
01-Apr-2016
For the review on
Going Home by Eric1

Chapter 9 of the book WW1

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Very good poem. It made you think all great it would be if all the wars ended at 11:0 o'clock. When we value life more than greed and death. Good poem. ****stars Congrats!



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