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Ella25

Ulla
That would be great to see more of you. x
04-Nov-2017
For the review on
Lily by Ella25

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Ella, it's good to see you back. I read this with interest and I quite liked it. I hope you will expand on the story. At the moment it's very much up in the open. All the beast. Ulla:)))


Commando
Please! Stay with us, beautiful. Why haven't you responded to my email? I told you, "I'm here for you!" You stay well too--my friend. As for blessed, "You are as an Angel!" I miss you...
Bill
03-Nov-2017
For the review on
Lily by Ella25

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Sweet, Jesus! Its so good having you back with us on FanStory, Ella. Last time I read your work was on June 7th, when you posted--"Pillow of Dreams." Your Non-Fiction Romance Presentation, ""Lily," a part of your book "My Life," is truly a most
commendable post. Of course, you're picture of July 2011--"Is commendable as well!" Did I say that? "You bet I did!"

While reading along, I was wondering? You wrote; "Lily is like any other woman. She is patient, kind and full uncomplicated energy." Shouldn't there be an "OF" in between "Full and Uncomplicated?" Also, "He would love to know more about her as so far he likes the way she lives her life." Shouldn't "SO FAR" be taken out? Then, "Deep cut added to the scars Lily carries from her marriage." Shouldn't "Cut read; Cuts?" Once again, "ADIL" responds right away, and then for the next three weeks, "ORION" and Lily exchange emails. Which is it--ADIL or ORION? And finally... "Orion lived his life to the limits he could take in a very respectful way." Did you mean; "He could TALK in a very respectful way?"

Of course, I'm not asking additional questions. However, I am recommending you using "Grammerly--etc.," to clarify your meaning. Oh, "I've been there--and still visit at times. If it wasn't for Grammerly, I would probably write; "Dem dar dogs--er gonna bite yo..."oh, you know?" I love "Lily!" Hope you are receptive of my remarks--"in a positive way." Once again--"it is good to have you back!" Best wishes--and God bless.

Respectfully,
Bill (Junglefighter)




l.raven
miss you lots too...I am so glad things are going so good...smiling soooo big....and you sweet girl are always soooo welcome...love you lots too...xxoo
03-Nov-2017
For the review on
Lily by Ella25

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Ella, sooooo go to see you my sweet friend...missed you...I love your story told...but not sure I would trust this guy...but you never know...internet relationship can turn out to be the worst...let's see where this one goes sweet girl...very well written you...and this picture is priceless...love ou...Linda xxoo


Mystic Angel 7777
Thank you very much for the kind comments and thoughts.
29-May-2017
For the review on
I Am Alive! by Mystic Angel 7777

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

It is a lovely arrangement of words that flows smoothly and the image of pansies sticking their frozen heads from under the snow. Dreaming of sunny days and the sun to touch its soft petals with warm rays. It is a charming composition, full of hope for warmer and brighter days. Renewal, waiting for the nature sleeping under the snow to wake up. Excellent Villanelle poem. Best luck in the contest. Love, Ella


rama devi
Thank you, Ella. You too! Best smiles and Love, rd
24-Apr-2017
For the review on
Moon and Stars by Ella25

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Second review


Good job on adding line breaks and changing font.

First review (FOUR stars)

Hi Ella---you must have used black font on black background, as the words do not show up unless one highlights the text. That, plus the lack of fluid flow and notes below) are the reasons for the four stars rating. Happy to re-review if you make revisions...

NOTES

Compelling opening line with good assonance of A:

Stars you chase

Will fade and die


Nice internal rhyme:

Disappear in atmosphere


* This whole next section reads like one long sentence but is awkward on first read due to lack for clarity in enjambment:

Moon is strong

Rules at night

And it is here to stay

Seldom leaves

The beauty sky

And like a silhouette

Cares for the sun

At day time

On the blue firmament



Using caps on all lines is not ideal, for that reason. Also, I recommend using at least minimal punctuation. Another option, if you do not like those devices, is to make it a separate stanza so the phrasing is more obvious.

The single line stanzas with all caps and no punctuation make this hard to figure out in terms fo intended cadence and sentence structure.


Example edit with above suggestions (So you can compare and consider) which also includes a slight trim on the moon part:


Stars you chase
will fade and die--
disappear in atmosphere

Moon is strong
rules at night
and, here to stay,
seldom leaves
the beauty sky

And, like a silhouette,
cares for the sun
at day time
on the blue firmament


I like the personification and the closing note of caring.


This has great potential but is not quite 'there' yet.


Lots of Love,
rd


rama devi
Thanks for your thoughtful reply. Glad you changed the font and added line breaks. Now it is visible and much easier to read in terms of enjambment as well. Well done! Five stars!~

Lots of Love,
rd

21-Apr-2017
For the review on
Moon and Stars by Ella25

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Second review


Good job on adding line breaks and changing font.

First review (FOUR stars)

Hi Ella---you must have used black font on black background, as the words do not show up unless one highlights the text. That, plus the lack of fluid flow and notes below) are the reasons for the four stars rating. Happy to re-review if you make revisions...

NOTES

Compelling opening line with good assonance of A:

Stars you chase

Will fade and die


Nice internal rhyme:

Disappear in atmosphere


* This whole next section reads like one long sentence but is awkward on first read due to lack for clarity in enjambment:

Moon is strong

Rules at night

And it is here to stay

Seldom leaves

The beauty sky

And like a silhouette

Cares for the sun

At day time

On the blue firmament



Using caps on all lines is not ideal, for that reason. Also, I recommend using at least minimal punctuation. Another option, if you do not like those devices, is to make it a separate stanza so the phrasing is more obvious.

The single line stanzas with all caps and no punctuation make this hard to figure out in terms fo intended cadence and sentence structure.


Example edit with above suggestions (So you can compare and consider) which also includes a slight trim on the moon part:


Stars you chase
will fade and die--
disappear in atmosphere

Moon is strong
rules at night
and, here to stay,
seldom leaves
the beauty sky

And, like a silhouette,
cares for the sun
at day time
on the blue firmament


I like the personification and the closing note of caring.


This has great potential but is not quite 'there' yet.


Lots of Love,
rd


l.raven
you take care as well...love you too...just stay safe...been keeping busy as well...God Bless...Linda xxoo
20-Apr-2017
For the review on
Rose by Ella25

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

HI Ella, my favorite flower sweet girl...I loveeeeeeee your poem you...it is soooooo true...when a woman is loved correctly...she becomes a better woman...I guess you have to give all you have until you finally realize....he never loved you....and never will...love a woman true...and it will be returned in billions...I love your poem sweet angel...and love your picture...so beautifully written...please take care...love ya you...Linda xxoo


l.raven
please do...I have missed you...when I come on here...I always look for you in my PM...as long as you are busy and not sick...that is ok...there is a life after FanStory...LOL...all my love to you as well...and blessings sweet angel...love ya...xxoo
07-Apr-2017
For the review on
Rose by Ella25

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

HI Ella, my favorite flower sweet girl...I loveeeeeeee your poem you...it is soooooo true...when a woman is loved correctly...she becomes a better woman...I guess you have to give all you have until you finally realize....he never loved you....and never will...love a woman true...and it will be returned in billions...I love your poem sweet angel...and love your picture...so beautifully written...please take care...love ya you...Linda xxoo


l.raven
it is always so good to see you....I am feeling better now...now I have two other things to tackle...LOL...I hope you are in good health my sweet friend...and please take care as well...miss you...going to try to catch up now...LOL...love ya you....Linda xxoo
29-Mar-2017
For the review on
Rose by Ella25

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

HI Ella, my favorite flower sweet girl...I loveeeeeeee your poem you...it is soooooo true...when a woman is loved correctly...she becomes a better woman...I guess you have to give all you have until you finally realize....he never loved you....and never will...love a woman true...and it will be returned in billions...I love your poem sweet angel...and love your picture...so beautifully written...please take care...love ya you...Linda xxoo



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