- A Doggone Messby Elizabeth Emerald
This work has reached the exceptional level
Guests flee lawn ''blower'' surprise party
A Doggone Mess by Elizabeth Emerald
Artwork by eileen0204 at

The other day, my friend Chuck and I took our granddogs to get photographed at an outdoor event. As we observed the scene, I remarked that it was superfluous to neuter dogs nowadays, given they are invariably leashed. Seems that nearly every dog that isn't purebred is an intentional cross: cockapoo (cocker spaniel/poodle); labradoodle (labrador/poodle); puggle (pug/beagle).

Chuck got to reminiscing about his childhood neighborhood, where a stray St. Bernard (plus???), dubbed Bernie, ran from house to house, enjoying a variety, and surfeit, of people food, from which "dogarrhea" (notes) frequently ensued.

One day, back in 1957, Chuck's next door neighbor (later his math teacher), Mr. Phillips, spread the word on the street that he'd just bought a Lawnboy gas-powered mower and invited all to its debut.

Curious neighbors, all of whom had mechanical "push" mowers, eagerly gathered. 

Mr. Phillips fired up his Lawnboy and proceeded to mow the gra--


Bernie's "business" spewed forth.

Neighbors ran for cover.

Casting backwards glances as they fled, they saw Mr. Phillips hosing down his garage door. 

After which he attended to his shoes.



Author Notes
A Lesson In Shadow by eileen0204 on THANK YOU!

Chuck independently coined "dogarrhea"; two people beat him to it.
dogarrhea - Urban Dictionary
n. the brown ooze from an sick dog; usually found in puddles on the sofa or floor
Ew! I stepped right in Jo-Jo's dogarrhea!
by skukuza May 24, 2007

by PlayOnPlaya July 17, 2013


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