Reviews from

A Sestina for Spence

Wrote a poem to go with a surprise gift to my partner

10 total reviews 
Comment from Miss Cookie Atkinson
Excellent
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I love the words you choose to go with your lovely poem,they are a perfect match.
your words captured my attention from the first line to the last found your words to be very emotional and deep.
Thank you for sharing
Cookie

 Comment Written 05-Mar-2021

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
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A Sestina for Spence
by Every_Dia


Nice love poem and pandemic masks.

Your poem's structure and flows is okay but it...could improve with a little work. It draws on emotions. it presents strong images.

 Comment Written 05-Mar-2021

Comment from Boogienights
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I think it's perfect just the way it is. Your love shines through in your words, and that's the greatest gift you can give. How lucky that you found each other in these difficult times. Thanks for sharing your story. :)

 Comment Written 05-Mar-2021

Comment from Dolly'sPoems
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A delightful tribute to your union and I heard that so many people have met during the pandemic and learned about each other without seeing their faces properly, reaching each other's heart here and your words prove your love, much enjoyed, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 05-Mar-2021

Comment from Edward Escobar
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Heartfelt and deeply profound. Simple yet enchanting. That I found moving emotionally and spiritually. All the magic of love. Nice work. Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2021

Comment from royowen
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A lovely free verse which is intimate in its concept and sensitive in its appreciation of someone who you appreciate. With a literary paintbrush to author this verbal painting of someone you like being around. Well done, beautifully written. Blessings Roy

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2021


reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
    Thank you! :)
reply by royowen on 04-Mar-2021
    A pleasure
Comment from Leann DS
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I really like it. It is sweet and loving, and Spence should be honored.

You said that you would like to tighten it up... The only thing I could see that might be better is to not use the following three words as much... Lips, smile, eyes. If you could describe these three words without actually saying them, I think it would be even more powerful and romantic. Good luck, and I hope he loves it as much as I do! Hugs.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2021


reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
    Awww thank you 💕. Appreciate your feedback! :)
Comment from Patty Cicero
Good
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My life, you are transforming. With your lifting laugh and rooted words, you inspire me. You remind me with your hugs and your lips,
and of course, with kind smiles, that everything will be okay. And I
know there is more to see.

*Excellent work. I'm sure your spouse will love this! Keep writing...

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2021


reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
    Thank you! 💕
Comment from Goodadvicechan
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This is a poem of love. I like your description of your partner's eyes and lips. It is so romantic.

The last paragraph has shown your true love. "But when I look in your eyes, I can still see the deep green grass and the mask over your lips. Laying there, desire forming. And I knew I loved you when I finally saw your beautiful smile."

Good writing.



 Comment Written 04-Mar-2021


reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
    Awwww thank you!
Comment from Katherine M. Kean
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Hi Dia,
This is a great gift already. Also, note I am not the world's best poet, just know what I like. But if you don't fancy my suggestions, just ignore them.
1) verse order
Move last verse to second (I think this is more logical and sweeter, ending in the present rather than on a memory)
2) line content
I have a personal dislike of ideas being broken by the end of the line. You do it a lot. I always wonder if it's necessary and what it adds to the poem - I find it weakens things. Example:
My life, you are transforming.
With your lifting laugh and rooted words, you
inspire me. You remind me with your hugs and your lips,
and of course, with kind smiles,
that everything will be okay. And I
know there is more to see.
I would write
My life, you are transforming.
With your lifting laugh and rooted words, you inspire me.
You remind me with your hugs and your lips,
and of course, with kind smiles,
that everything will be okay.
And I know there is more to see.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2021


reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
    Thank you! This is such great feedback. I feel like to the second suggestion there are 2 main reasons someone would intentionally- 1) To emphasize the first and/ or last words (typically the last) in the line or 2) to fit some poem format: My reasoning was the latter! Which I always question if that is the most worthwhile thing: flow vs form. I agree that flow wise it works better, but sestinas have the same word or similar word end each line. I already was stretching it with "seen" instead of "see" and "I" instead of "eyes".

    This weaves into your first suggestion as it would impact the order if I switch around the stanzas. This is giving me a lot to think about- I love it! Cause taking in those suggestions I think it flows well, but no longer is a sestina, and other than the title how much does that matter... hmmm.... thinking!!!!