Reviews from

One Sunny Night-Chapter 7

Her return to home.

8 total reviews 
Comment from irishauthorme
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This reads well, the pace is fast enough to keep everyone interested, and the tension between Danielle and Kevin makes me want to see what happens next! And I don't think Stewart is out of the picture yet, he has a lot going for him, kind of laid back compared to Kevin, who is overconfident that Danielle will change her mind and move in with him.
I think she is right to be in fear of Kevin overpowering her and taking charge of her life.
Hey, what's next?
irish

 Comment Written 10-Mar-2021


reply by the author on 11-Mar-2021
    Thanks for your comments. What's next is my question now. Hope I manage something believable. So grateful for you high rating.
Comment from BethShelby
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I enjoyed reading this chapter and although it is the first I've read it was complete enough in itself that I feel I know what is going on. I hope to be able to read more.

 Comment Written 07-Mar-2021


reply by the author on 07-Mar-2021
    Thanks so much for taking time to read this. I, too, hope to read the next chapter if I can ever decide myself what happens. Ha!
Comment from MissMerri
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I really enjoy reading your stories. In this chapter you give us a clearer idea of the relationship between Dani and her roommate, and also hint that things may not be so great with Kevin anymore. There is a lot going on in Danielle's life and you are developing it more in each new chapter. The reader, by now, cares about her and wants her to make the right decisions, thanks to your character-building and the empathy felt for her.
I saw a couple of tiny typos, not enough to take stars away.

***"Smells so good in here, Ginger. Must me (be) those fresh baked buns."
***and I heard an earthy tone when your voice mumbling (mumbled) that pilot's
***it's a Company party, fancier than (any) (you've ever been) to.
The last is not a correction, but simply a suggestion to make the sentence flow more naturally. Do what you want with it.

Keep going. This is really so much fun to read. MM

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2021


reply by the author on 06-Mar-2021
    Your rating and comments make a happy day!! Thanks so much for your help. I may never have noticed those typos. Love,MissA.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Excellent
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Dear Alaska, just from the few words I have heard from Kevin, I know he would only be using Danielle as arm candy, deny her any opportunity to develop her own career as a photographer, cheat on her at every opportunity, and in the end divorce her with no benefits. I just hope he does not trap her, in some way, at the up coming company party.

 Comment Written 05-Mar-2021


reply by the author on 05-Mar-2021
    Thanks for reading this and for your comments on the Kevin character. Must say, I agree.
Comment from lyenochka
Excellent
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I like how you show us the comfortable sisterly relationship that Danielle has with Ginger. It's also really clear that Danielle's feelings toward Kevin have changed. I hope he's not going to propose right in front of a bunch of people Saturday night!

I loved "She had a habit of discovering ingredients not related to food recipes." This tells me a lot about Ginger and her perceptiveness!

Comments/Suggestions:
Ginger Kellar wrapped her long arms of around (remove "of")

"I hopped you wouldn't do it. (hoped)

finally dating with Tom. (close quotes needed)

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2021


reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
    Your comments are reassuring. Thanks for catching things my eyes swept over -- I'll get the correction in. I hope I get the rest of the story figured out.
reply by lyenochka on 04-Mar-2021
    Oh, it happens to me all the time. That's why we have other eyes here to catch those spags for us.
    You're doing great with the character development. I know what you mean about deciding the next part of the plot! Keep up the great work! 💖💖
Comment from Leann DS
Excellent
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So, it sounds like Kevin is going to get dumped soon! Poor guy. He's clueless.

If I may, I noticed a couple of typos as follows:
"Smells so good in here, Ginger. Must me those fresh baked buns."
-must BE those fresh baked buns



Happily grinning, Ginger, circled an arm around Danielle. "I hopped you wouldn't do it. Handsome Kevin is in big money, hugely popularity, and he always insists on leading the way. You don't have to let him take you over."
- at the beginning, remove the comma after ginger
- hoped instead of hopped
- popular instead of popularity




I wonder what the big surprise is going to be on the date this weekend? Well done. Hugs.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2021


reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
    You caught so many of my mistakes. Wow, I thought I had proof-read better than that. Thanks a million. So glad you took time to read this.
Comment from country ranch writer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted


Looks like she is getting tired of Kevim after meeting with Stewart on her adventure.I don't think Iwould trust Keven he is to controlling and richalwayswanting things his way.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2021


reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
    I so glad you took time to read this one. Your comments are so nice. Thanks.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Excellent
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Alaskastory:

Either Kevin cannot take a hint or he is dumb as dirt when it comes to
relationships. Danielle will do well to have her good friend, Ginger,
around to help her keep her head on straight.

Rdfrdmom2

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2021


reply by the author on 04-Mar-2021
    Thanks so much for your comments and for taking time to read this.