Reviews from

Out of His League

You just never know.

5 total reviews 
Comment from Judy Lawless
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You've done a different take on the contest, Wayne. It's great. The ending wasn't at all expected, and your imagery and dialogue carried the story along nicely. Well done. Good luck in the contest.

I have just a couple of little suggestions:

"Living in a rough-hewn cabin on land nobody knew the ownership," - I think you're trying to avoid ending the phrase with a preposition, but this makes it awkward. Perhaps "on unclaimed land" would work better?

"He took over a(the) vacant cabin..." - the confirms it's the same cabin you've just described.

"Call it sexist, but Merle questioned everyone's desire for a gun, but especially women." - too many buts in this sentence. Maybe just leave out the call it sexist, but?

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
    This might be the third time I said thank you, but thank you. (For some reason, my response to reviews sometimes appears unsent.)
reply by Judy Lawless on 24-Jan-2022
    No, only got it once. You?re welcome.
Comment from Kit Nongkhlaw
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I just look on your profile page and I thought I will read this story. I never thought I would end up the way you wrote. Thanks for sharing this story about our Savior and all the very best in the contest, Kit.

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
    Thank you for great suggestions.
reply by Kit Nongkhlaw on 26-Jan-2022
    The pleasure is mine
Comment from Katherine M. Kean
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I was not expecting that at all. A gun salesman with a conscience, through his religious convictions. Amazing.
Unable to manage the plastic water bottle cap > As she was unable to manage the plastic water bottle cap

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
    Thank you.
Comment from Yardier
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Excellent flow. Wonderful introspection of hill country humanity and the foundation of their wisdom. It's obvious Merle loves people because Christ first loved him. I'm glad Julie took the step.

Thanks for sharing your faith. Yard.

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
    Thank you!
Comment from robyn corum
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Wayne,

Wow. I was NOT expecting that ending. *smile* This guy had a good sense for people - maybe he COULD read minds in a way. hahaha

I love that he went so far to help this stranger. And then offered her the best gift of all. Nice job!

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2022


reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
    Wow! Great review. thank you.