Out of His League
You just never know.5 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
You've done a different take on the contest, Wayne. It's great. The ending wasn't at all expected, and your imagery and dialogue carried the story along nicely. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
I have just a couple of little suggestions:
"Living in a rough-hewn cabin on land nobody knew the ownership," - I think you're trying to avoid ending the phrase with a preposition, but this makes it awkward. Perhaps "on unclaimed land" would work better?
"He took over a(the) vacant cabin..." - the confirms it's the same cabin you've just described.
"Call it sexist, but Merle questioned everyone's desire for a gun, but especially women." - too many buts in this sentence. Maybe just leave out the call it sexist, but?
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
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You've done a different take on the contest, Wayne. It's great. The ending wasn't at all expected, and your imagery and dialogue carried the story along nicely. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
I have just a couple of little suggestions:
"Living in a rough-hewn cabin on land nobody knew the ownership," - I think you're trying to avoid ending the phrase with a preposition, but this makes it awkward. Perhaps "on unclaimed land" would work better?
"He took over a(the) vacant cabin..." - the confirms it's the same cabin you've just described.
"Call it sexist, but Merle questioned everyone's desire for a gun, but especially women." - too many buts in this sentence. Maybe just leave out the call it sexist, but?
Comment Written 24-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
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This might be the third time I said thank you, but thank you. (For some reason, my response to reviews sometimes appears unsent.)
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No, only got it once. You?re welcome.
Comment from Kit Nongkhlaw
I just look on your profile page and I thought I will read this story. I never thought I would end up the way you wrote. Thanks for sharing this story about our Savior and all the very best in the contest, Kit.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
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I just look on your profile page and I thought I will read this story. I never thought I would end up the way you wrote. Thanks for sharing this story about our Savior and all the very best in the contest, Kit.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
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Thank you for great suggestions.
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The pleasure is mine
Comment from Katherine M. Kean
I was not expecting that at all. A gun salesman with a conscience, through his religious convictions. Amazing.
Unable to manage the plastic water bottle cap > As she was unable to manage the plastic water bottle cap
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
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I was not expecting that at all. A gun salesman with a conscience, through his religious convictions. Amazing.
Unable to manage the plastic water bottle cap > As she was unable to manage the plastic water bottle cap
Comment Written 24-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
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Thank you.
Comment from Yardier
Excellent flow. Wonderful introspection of hill country humanity and the foundation of their wisdom. It's obvious Merle loves people because Christ first loved him. I'm glad Julie took the step.
Thanks for sharing your faith. Yard.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Excellent flow. Wonderful introspection of hill country humanity and the foundation of their wisdom. It's obvious Merle loves people because Christ first loved him. I'm glad Julie took the step.
Thanks for sharing your faith. Yard.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from robyn corum
Wayne,
Wow. I was NOT expecting that ending. *smile* This guy had a good sense for people - maybe he COULD read minds in a way. hahaha
I love that he went so far to help this stranger. And then offered her the best gift of all. Nice job!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Wayne,
Wow. I was NOT expecting that ending. *smile* This guy had a good sense for people - maybe he COULD read minds in a way. hahaha
I love that he went so far to help this stranger. And then offered her the best gift of all. Nice job!
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Wow! Great review. thank you.