Reviews from

Dark Covenant

Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "The Bewitching Hour/Part 2"
The Berwick Witches Series: Book One

19 total reviews 
Comment from jaeladarling
Excellent
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One thing's for sure - I've got to get caught up! I hate it when my schedule is interrupted and I'm thrown off my game. :-

This post is awfully long. You might consider making shorter chapters to keep your readers' attention. That's just for this site. Lots of people would rather skip the long ones - they have their own dollars to earn and work to promote, after all. Just a thought. ;)

What tension in this chapter! Good thing for them it turned out the way it did. I definitely need to catch up, and I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

A few nits for your consideration:


a male voice scolded," they're sacred." (The opening quotation mark is misplaced.)

"There--in the darkness," (The dash should be a comma.)

"long, black cloaks--their faces buried" (The double dash should be a comma.)

"Jewel looked behind her and the men" (Comma after "her")

"like the red sea and a new line of" (Capitalize "Red Sea" and add a comma after "Sea")

"Jewel swallowed hard and urine streamed" (Comma after "hard")

"the black cloaks circled them and the chanting" (Comma after "them")

"Beatrice began to fight, but was kicked" (No comma)

"Jewel managed to get to one knee, but was" (No comma)

"and doubled over, but wouldn't let go" (No comma)

"too weak to move on their own were" (Comma after "own")

"lying in their own blood--half-conscious," (The dash after "blood" should be a comma.)

"Beatrice didn't answer, but managed" (No comma)

"sat an old fashion bathtub," ("old fashioned")

"at Jewel who was still lying" (Comma after "Jewel")

"sliding a mangled foot behind her and" (Comma after "her")

"she asked pointing to a six foot mirror" ("she asked, pointing to a six-foot mirror")

"incased in brass" ("encased")

"lion paws, and a brass lion's head" (No comma or change "and" to "with")

"Jewel said limping over and standing before it." (Comma after "said")

"Beatrice watched and her mouth slowly" (Comma after "watched")

"from the doorway which made the women" (Comma after "doorway")

"The witches surrounded them and Jewel" (Comma after "them")

"Jewel Anastasia Porter and Beatrice Rena Taylor have been" (Comma after "Taylor")

"as a three inch ruler," ("three-inch")

"your own covens. For, you are now" ("your own covens, for you are now")

"Wine bottle corks popped and crowds" (Comma after "popped")

"And for goodness sake don't mention" (Comma after "sake")

"she said releasing her shoulders" (Comma after "said")

"Beatrice nodded yes and Naomi" (Comma after "yes")

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2015


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
    Thank you very much, Miss comma queen; LOL I'll make the corrections. I really appreciate the corrections.
Comment from michaelcahill
Excellent
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Yea! I'm not way behind! That was just down right brutal. They survived and now are in a better position I think. It will be fascinating to see what happens next. The writing here was great. I felt like I was right in the middle of everything and my muscles were tense the whole way through!! Excellent. mikey

 Comment Written 05-Feb-2015


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
    Thank you, mikey. I'm glad you liked it.
Comment from Tellis
Excellent
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Wow, that was a really brutal initiation ceremony and I really thought they were goners. If they can start their own coven now maybe they can use the book without getting in trouble? I enjoyed the chapter a lot.

Tellis

 Comment Written 04-Feb-2015


reply by the author on 05-Feb-2015
    Thank you, Tellis. You are really on the ball. You're the first person who realize that, now they can use the book without being caught. Great analysis, my friend. I wish I could give you six stars for this review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Excellent
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Outstanding descriptive writing that pulls me into the scenes and actually made me feel like I was there watching, listening, and feeling the girls pain. Anything better is over kill. Great job. :-)

 Comment Written 04-Feb-2015


reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
    Thank you, Ric.
Comment from marijmd
Excellent
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Wow! That is one hell of an initiations! I though joining a sorority want any fun - but being a witch would be horrible. So the girls secret is still safe for now and the hope of ending the curse.

 Comment Written 04-Feb-2015


reply by the author on 04-Feb-2015
    Thank you, marijmd. Yep! It's safe for now.
Comment from nassus1957
Excellent
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Well this is the story of how witches are initiated into the circle and the story is giving us the picture of how it is in the witches' camp. Really entertaining and informative, although I am not really into that genre. May Jesus bless you.

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2015


reply by the author on 03-Feb-2015
    Thank you, nassus.
Comment from krazee3377
Excellent
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Wow ! So imaginative and I can only guess where the story line is headed. I love the supernatural and fantasy stuff, makes for a very vivid imagination. I applaud you and am going back to read this from the start. I hope you write more. Thank you for sharing and good luck

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2015


reply by the author on 03-Feb-2015
    Thank you very much, krazee.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

What a frightening start to a surprising chapter. Very well done, amahra. Now that they are witch queens with magic daggers, I wonder how their lives will change. Guess I'll find out. :)

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2015


reply by the author on 03-Feb-2015
    Thank you very much.
Comment from Mastery
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hello, Harriett. Excellent writing here. but that is the norm for you. Your images and dialogue are superb:

"As the cloaked figures eased into a new position, shadows on the walls parted--revealing epic stories of an ancient coven. Bold earth tone colors depicted bullhead men, dancing young girl figures and bulls with long, pointy horns. There were different farm animals, mostly cattle, and there were birds and snakes. Some of the figures looked to be stabbed or beaten with a stick. Better crafted drawings of daggered-mouth dragons covered the ceiling and appeared to glitter above the flickering candle lights.

I am back and hope you are still a fan of mine as I am of yours. bless you, my friend. Bob (Mastery)

 Comment Written 02-Feb-2015


reply by the author on 02-Feb-2015
    Thank you so much, Bob for this heart-felt review. You are an excellent writer and I'm glad you are back.
Comment from pbroussard209
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This was great, it was so vividly written I felt like I was there. I love the ceremony and the flogging, and the whole secrecy surrounding the witches. Great job and I am looking forward to reading the next chapter.

 Comment Written 02-Feb-2015


reply by the author on 02-Feb-2015
    Thank you so much. You are one of a few who have read and reviewed the full impact of this chapter. I really appreciate you as a reviewer.