Reviews from

Miscellaneous stories

Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "Ophelia"
Fiction and non-fiction prose

6 total reviews 
Comment from BeasPeas
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Oh, a wonderful passionate write to buck up poor droopy Ophelia. I go through this plea all the time with my plants and so far they are hanging in there. Good job. Marilyn/BeasPeas

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2015

reply by the author on 22-Oct-2015
    I replied to this earlier, but my reply isn't showing. It might have got lost in this morning's site hiccup.

    Thanks so much for the lovely comments :)

Comment from OnyxSapphire78
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Wow! You took this contest and ran with it. What a great approach. You dramatized the life of the great plant that you have so sweetly named Ophelia. This is so very creative and thoughtful. I enjoyed this very much. Good luck and happy writing! Thank you for your author notes.

 Comment Written 20-Oct-2015

reply by the author on 20-Oct-2015
    Thank you so much for your very generous review. I'm glad you liked my story, and your comments are much appreciated :)
Comment from --Turtle.
This work has reached the exceptional level

I read through this contest entry. And thought... oh man.

(stuff in parenthesis is my suggestions to add)
[stuff in brackets is my suggestions to delete]
(question marks after []? or ()? mean the inside of which I'm not sure, it's just something I thought you might want to consider)

that you have brought [to]? me? Sitting and watching the sunlight as it pours
(wondered if this to was needed, not sure it is)

*greatest delights*.
(the use of flowery prose to address this flower is over the top and perfect. It lays on a coat of melodrama putting a potted plant in the spot light, for a slightly ridiculous undertone that draws in eyes)

If God had made you in his image, as he did humankind, then I could understand why you might not cherish and embrace this life you have been given.
(: o I wasn't expecting this turn, but it so makes the foundation laid from the first sentence just ... genius. You elevate the plant to a status of relevance and reverence and then cheekily point out its lack of elevation in its position with humanity and God and afterlife rewards.... Ophelia, you have to live... there's nothing better for you, like heaven. The blunt bonks of dragging the reader to the cold harsh edge of cosmic insignificance is buffered by the ears of poor Ophelia, and by the gentle flowery prose it is encompassed by. I see this sweet cooing, sophisticatedly dressed, person holding a glass of some fancy drink, speaking and then the tone says at one level, and the words go a whole 'nother route... and together they... I thought, oh man.)

life of unimagineable(unimaginable)? happiness and joy to begin?
(I think this might be spelled wrong, but maybe only for the US... I can never be sure)

But, my dear Ophelia, God did not make you in his image.
(sorry, Ophelia, sucks to be green... )

Your life is not a dress-rehearsal for something bigger and better[;](, not) a chance to fritter and waste all the growing and blossoming you could be doing whilst you wallow in a mire of self-pity[,] and dream of the day you will be perfect. : 0

(for the punctuation and flow of the sentence above... consider staying with symmetric thought in the cadence flow. example of what the structure would be: This is not a house of cards, not a place to waste time while you sit and dream. so the emphasis stays with the 'not' and doesn't get lost. You don't want the negative to get lost in the second half of the after the comma... or semicolon, but I really don't think the semicolon is necessary... the comma would do.)

(I couldn't help but wonder how this clever, cutting, jibbing, poking, snubbing, urging, thinking --over the top! and deeply embedded with analogy and provokings will be taken by the general readingship. And here I see you tap, tap, tap on a hornet's nest with a little bit of snarky glee, and that slightly humor buffered sharp edge of seriousness. Way to use the prompt and twist it into something potent, when all it could have been was pointless gushing at a plant. (Uncomfortable humor.)


 Comment Written 15-Oct-2015

reply by the author on 15-Oct-2015
    Thanks so much, Turtle, for this wonderful review. I was just about to head off on a six hour road trip, which if I hadn't seen this just in time would have meant missing the chance to incorporate your suggestions before the contest voting opened. I'm so glad I didn't miss it.

    Your reviews are always such a lovely mix of praise and really helpful insights. Thanks for picking up the spelling gotcha, and also the other suggestions -- much appreciated!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Well written story about something I have never had much luck doing, keeping houseplants from dying. The reasons stated are very valid, and could also be used to encourage mankind.

 Comment Written 11-Oct-2015

reply by the author on 11-Oct-2015
    Thanks for the kind words, from one not-so-green-thumb to another :)
Comment from mfowler
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You have a lot of faith in the relative intellect of this Ophelia, plant. You write to it which in itself implies literacy, and you talk to it in tones that imply comprehension of complex cosmic realities. Perhaps that's why Ophelia wants to shrivel up and leave its stem. Seriously, the serious tone of the letter with all its appeals to nostalgia and existential potential, is perfect for this prompt. The pomposity and lack of decency in the argument about not going to heaven like you, is hilarious and it held me right to the end. In fact, the letter got better the further I read. I wish you well with this rather excellent entry.

 Comment Written 11-Oct-2015

reply by the author on 11-Oct-2015
    Thank you so much for the good wishes, and for your kind comments. I'm glad the letter "grew" on you. Much appreciated :)
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Wonderful job of convincing the plant to stay alive since there is no afterlife for it. Well done, and I hope Ophelia was listening closely anonymous writer. Good luck in the contest,

 Comment Written 11-Oct-2015

reply by the author on 11-Oct-2015
    Thank you, davisr, for the kind words and good wishes. Both are much appreciated.