Reviews from

Dark Covenant

Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "The Evil Within"
The Berwick Witches Series: Book One

22 total reviews 
Comment from Ulla
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Hi there, It has been quite a while but good to se you back. I was happy for the summary that enabled me to get right back into the story and the demons that's at work here. Hope Karl will survive. And where is Jessie? All best. Ulla

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2015


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
    Thank you so much, Ulla. Glad you stayed interested.
Comment from fafa
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the excuses are accepted there is times inwhich however much let's want we cannotdo what we wish. The chapter has gooddialogues and turns out to be interesting, itwould be necessary to confirm more theappearance of dialogues and the continuityof the story, greetings.

 Comment Written 05-Dec-2015


reply by the author on 05-Dec-2015
    thanks much,
Comment from redrocklover
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This is the first chapter I've read of your book. It appears to have an interesting storyline and I hope to read more in the future.
Peace,
Linda

 Comment Written 04-Dec-2015


reply by the author on 04-Dec-2015
    thank you, much.
Comment from barkingdog
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Hi amara.
It's good to read you again.
This is a full chapter. It should attract new readers since you have give a very adequate summary of previous happenings and then gone on to scare the heck out of us with the near death assault of Walt by the thing that took over Jessie's body.
Perfect form, good pacing and superb dialogue.
I look forward to your next post.

:) ellen

 Comment Written 04-Dec-2015


reply by the author on 04-Dec-2015
    Thank you, Ellen. Nice to have you reading me again. Actually, it's Karl, not Walt. But I know after reading so many of us on here, it may be hard to keep all the characters in mind. :)
reply by barkingdog on 04-Dec-2015
    Sorry about that. I did mean Carl.
    Yes, I do read so many posts that sometimes I confuse character names. I try to tell myself it's not because I'm getting older. lol
Comment from Tomes Johnston
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This is an interesting story that the author has created with this piece of writing. I have come in at this late stage, but I have managed to get some sense of the story from the background. well done.

 Comment Written 04-Dec-2015


reply by the author on 04-Dec-2015
    Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.
reply by Tomes Johnston on 05-Dec-2015
    My pleasure.
Comment from Lesley Collier
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An imaginative and horrifying story of a man, Jessie, who appeals to his uncle for an explanation and cure for strange sexual and realistic dreams he has been having. His Uncle explains that he is being possessed by a female demon and gives him advice then strangely bolts up his door as he and his friend Karl leave. When Karl offers his support by keeping him company for the night Jessie accepts and the next morning brings about horrifying results only to be investigated by the police as neighbours alert them to strange events in the apartment. Well written with vivid descritive words and an intriguing plot!

 Comment Written 04-Dec-2015


reply by the author on 04-Dec-2015
    Actually, he's Karl's uncle. Thank you very much, Lesley.
Comment from chasennov
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Chapter 24 of the book Dark Covenant The Berwick Witches Series: Book 1 "The Evil Within" Another fine addition to your excellent chapters which I don't always get to read. Very well done.

 Comment Written 03-Dec-2015


reply by the author on 03-Dec-2015
    thank you, chasennov.
Comment from Shirley McLain
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A very intense and active chapter. It certainly held my attention all the way through. The ending was very good and led me to want to read more. Great job. Shirley

 Comment Written 03-Dec-2015


reply by the author on 03-Dec-2015
    Thank you very much.
Comment from Brett Matthew West
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Well written story with plenty of high rising action.

The silent types are usually the deadly kinds, as they say.

Seems ole Jesse has problems he won't be able to deal with on his own.

His family better find him, before the Police, or someone else does, for his own good.

 Comment Written 03-Dec-2015


reply by the author on 03-Dec-2015
    Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
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OMG - what a terrible attack, but it seems as if Jessie is
possessed by a demon who did the attacking - now Jessie has disappeared.


Uncle Ward saw Karl and Jessie to the door and promised Jessie he would find out all he could about the nightly visits from the Succubus. When Uncle Ward closed the front door, Jessie and Karl -
HERE, Amahra - might I suggest you simply write: When HE closed the door (as you've already told the reader it was Uncle Ward in the lst sentence and that Jessie and Karl stood outside - so the reader would know who it was - hope that makes sense

Karl walked over to the kitchen sink and reached above it for the cabinet's knob. "How was your night?" Karl asked -- again HERE - you've already told the reader it's Karl - so suggest -- HE asked

AND HERE - no need to keep repeating his name - you could even turn this sentence about to avoid staring with "He" -

Karl pushed the on switch button and took down two coffee mugs and placed them on the counter.---
Pushing the on switch, he took down two coffee...

at the sight of Jessie's face that was dark, [with] (his) eyes as lifeless as a shark's just before it bites. - suggest change "with" for "his"

"For God's sake(,) dude(,) what's up with you? - 2 commas

I'm sending help as we speak.(")

"Please, ma'am(,) let us do our


A very action filled chapter, my friend.
Margaret

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2015


reply by the author on 02-Dec-2015
    Hey, Margaret, good to be back. Thank you so much. The reason why I used names instead of pronouns is because when you have three characters of the same sex in a scene, using the pronoun he or she can be pretty confusing to the reader.I wanted to make sure the reader knew who I was talking about. But you may be right. I may have over done it. So, I'll check everything you suggested and see. I will also make the other corrections you have so expertly pointed out. Always a pleasure getting a review from you, Margaret. Blessings to you.