Reviews from

Sugar Baby

A grieving mother finds a replacement for her lost child.

33 total reviews 
Comment from RoostyNester
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

How horrible! This is truly a scary story. Well done in dialog and story line. I loved the build up to the end, as Cindy's strange baby started eating her. Your story was very well done. I loved it! Stayed interesting till the end.

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2016

Comment from Tpa
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

That was SUPER! Very rarely, I come across a story that is so flawlessly scripted. Your descriptions were so vividly written, especially when Cindy uncovered herself and Sugarbaby began to come upon Rachal. My goosebumps got goosebumps. I wish you much success in the contest. Your competitors will have a difficult time beating your prose. GOOD LUCK AND THANKS FOR THE PREVILEDGE OF READING YOUR WORK.

 Comment Written 04-Nov-2016

Comment from Thomas Bowling
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Yikes. I did not see that coming. I nearly jumped out my chair when Sugar Baby ran out of the room. I'm sure I would have had it been a movie. You should send it to someone.

 Comment Written 04-Nov-2016

Comment from light
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Wow! That was some nightmare. I don't usually read horror stories, but this was intriguing.
Best wishes in the contest. It is a good entry.
Elaine

 Comment Written 04-Nov-2016

Comment from robyn corum
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

PV,

What a wonderful, horrible story. I loved it! It was both well-written and JUST creepy enough! I don't remember reading your work before, but I will certainly look out for it now. GREAT JOB! Good luck in the contest!

 Comment Written 04-Nov-2016


reply by the author on 04-Nov-2016
    Thank you so much for the kind review! Posting it here has given me confidence. :)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Very long, but I didn't care since it was so interesting and entertaining. Scary, creepy ending, but it's a horror story, after all. Well done.

 Comment Written 04-Nov-2016

Comment from royowen
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

If this doesn't do well in this contest, I don't know much about writing. I think it's one of the best and suspenseful tales I've. The characters are perfect, it seems not unlike a lot of families that struggle in relationships, but this turned into a struggle. Poor mum, although fiction, the characters jumped out of the story, well done, extra good, good luck, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 03-Nov-2016

Comment from DonandVicki
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

It took me a while to read this but I was pulled in by the poetic manipulation that you used in the wording of your story, a real thriller and you certainly held my attention.

 Comment Written 29-Oct-2016

Comment from giraffmang
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hi there,

I fear you are unlikely to get many in depth reviews for a piece of writing this long and offering little in terms of reward. it's just how things are on the site sadly.

"No," her mother replied, like a petulant child. "because you still don't give a damn - I think the recommencement of dialogue needs to start with a capital as the previous sentence is closed off. either that or change the preceding full stop to a comma.

The first thing Rachel was aware of was a deep - perhaps rephrase this to something like The first thing Rachel became aware of was, I think it's a little smoother and negates the need for the repetition of was so close together.

windowbox - window box.

Super bit of writing and very well paced. the reveal at the end is worth the wait, even if the story is telegraphed somewhat, it doesn't matter.

Excellent stuff
GMG

 Comment Written 26-Oct-2016

Comment from kleck140
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Wow! All I can say is WOW! You weave a terrible story
but sure kept me in suspense to the end. I do not like horror stories nor vulgar language, but wanting to see how you would end made me read it all the way. You sure are a story teller.

 Comment Written 25-Oct-2016