Reviews from

Dance of Chance

I -5-7 poem

21 total reviews 
Comment from LG Wolfe
Excellent
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Hi Sanku. I love the spirit of this 1-5-7 poem. The idea of taking chances being a dance - with its highs and falls - is simply lovely. Great choice of artwork too - it pulled me right tin.

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2019


reply by the author on 18-Apr-2019
    Thank you very much.
Comment from HealingMuse
Excellent
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Hi Sanku,

This is an awesome poem with great accompanying artwork. A perfect package for a contest entry. Best of luck and thanks for sharing. Jan :-)

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2019


reply by the author on 18-Apr-2019
    Thank you very much,for your encouraging review.
Comment from Ross E Silke
Good
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I like your idea and this has much potential, but your last line is 9 syllables and not 7 which would disqualify you from the contest.--How about, "goes sky high or fall in dumps" to make it 7 syllables. omitting unnecessary words? You must have got it confused with 3-5-9 syllable entries. I'm not sure why Chance is capitalized? I think some author notes might be needed to also help the reader understand your message as it's a little unclear. Would it make more sense for it to say, "dance [with] chance instead or "of" Chance?--I'm not sure who chance is. I'd be happy to re-review upon correcting it to the appropriate syllable counts and if you agree too that some more explanation in your notes are needed? Best,

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2019


reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
    I was confused and thought it should be 9 syllables. Thank you very much for suggesting .I have corrected it and also added the notes that I am personifying Chance here.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
    Thanks once again .
reply by Ross E Silke on 10-Apr-2019
    Thanks for your reply.--I updated the score, but I think the second line is still a little unclear and awkward the grammar. Maybe it should read "of Chance [in] my life"--instead of 'on' my life and maybe 'with' Chance instead of 'of' Chance, which doesn't really make sense from my point of view. I hope that helps.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2019
    I wanted to started the poem with Chance. chance dancing on your life can be lucky or unlucky.But i just could not achieve the syllable count properly .So in frustration I started with 'Dance'.I used 'on' because you normally dance on a surface.Chance is personified as dancing in peoples lives.( I am no good with syllable counts .free verse any day.)In India there is a saying "you must dance on chance" ,meaning don't miss any opportunity .I just wanted to reverse the thing because some chances are unexpected and we dont have to do anything .you simply strike a jackpot or otherwise. A few more lines would have been better.Thank you very much for taking this trouble.
reply by Ross E Silke on 10-Apr-2019
    Thanks for your reply, Sanku. I appreciate you explanation further into this. I think I understand now why you worded so, and being of a different nationality. I'm Canadian so to me the grammar doesn't fit well, but due to your explanation, I will adjust my review again to an excellent. I appreciate your notes and effort to help the reader understand. I would greatly encourage you to add some author notes to explain more for your readers of different origins. Best,
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Excellent
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A very well-written 1-5-7 poem about taking a chance in life dance and twirl as high as you can rather falling into the dumps and feel sorry for yourself and blame everyone else.

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2019


reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
    Thank you very much.
Comment from Mark D. R.
Excellent
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Do like the imagery of your verse coupled with an alluring illustration.

Minor edit: 'fall down' should be 'falls down' to agree with singular 'Dance.' You did use 'goes high sky' which is the correct singular verb usage. It is your poetic choice to capitalize Dance and Chance.

Good luck in your entry.

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2019


reply by the author on 18-Apr-2019
    Thank you very much.
Comment from Alex Burchill
Good
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Very nice poem Sanku. I like how the title flows through the poem as well. Life is very much like a dance - full of chances we take or not. Thanks!!!

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2019


reply by the author on 18-Apr-2019
    Thank you very much.
Comment from Teri7
Excellent
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This is a very well written 1-5-7 poem you have penned for the contest. You used very good words and very good imagery. Best wishes in the contest. Blessings, Teri

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2019


reply by the author on 18-Apr-2019
    Thank you very much.
Comment from Sandra Montanino
Excellent
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I think you made a good point. Life is a roller coaster ride. We are either up or down and every day we take this chance to dance. Very nicely written. Good luck
in your contest!

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2019


reply by the author on 18-Apr-2019
    Thank you very much.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Excellent
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Your contest entry has a great message, Sanku. The picture pairs with it nicely. You have 9 syllables in last line instead of 7 as required. I believe there is still time to revise.


Dance 1 syl

of Chance on your life 5 syls.

goes sky high or fall down in the dumps 9 syls.


*******

Dance

of Chance on your life

goes sky high or fall down in the dumps

Dance
of chance on your life--
sky high or down in the dumps ]

Thanks for sharing. Best wishes.
Jan



 Comment Written 09-Apr-2019


reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
    Thanks very much .I have made the correction.I was confused and thought the last line should be 9.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2019
    Thanks once again
Comment from rspoet
Excellent
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Hello Sanku,
This could be an excellent 1-5-7 poem and entry for the contest
but you have nine syllables in the last line, not the required seven.
Nice addition of the internal rhyme
and excellent art work to match
Good luck in the contest
Robert

 Comment Written 09-Apr-2019


reply by the author on 18-Apr-2019
    Thank you very much for pointing out that .I had made the correction immediately.