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Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Beer garden beginnings"
Fiction and non-fiction prose

18 total reviews 
Comment from rosehill (Wendy)
Excellent
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What a lovely way to welcome others to enjoy your warm memory. I tend to be a bit run on in my writing, so I noticed how well you kept tight sentence structure that still allowed for important bits of information to be gleaned. Hopefully, I can learn a bit from you. The contrasting of thoughts with reality were a great giggle. I enjoyed this read from start to finish. - Wendy

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2019


reply by the author on 24-Jul-2019
    Thanks so much for the lovely comments, Wendy -- it's great to hear from you. My usual way is to write rambling sentences that go on forever, so I'm really pleased you noticed my efforts to rein that in a bit. Most grateful, Craig
Comment from Sarkems
Excellent
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Aww. What a lovely story. It's great to read a true romance that isn't soppy/mawkish, but genuinely endearing. Although I have to admit, we had a SNES and I don't remember Crash Bandicoot. My husband and I played Starwing, Supermariokart, and a really hard two-player that I can't remember the name of.

Anyway, thank you for sharing. You told this well, good luck in the contest

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2019


reply by the author on 23-Jul-2019
    Crash Bandicoot was The Bomb. Just remembering playing it makes me want to drag the console out of mothballs. I think I still have it somewhere. Thanks for the lovely comments, Emma.
Comment from --Turtle.
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hey, Craig,

Nice job with this true story contest entry, and I enjoyed reading; tight, concise sentences with a pleasing voice and

I think her suspicions are a projection of her own craftiness. (Nice job with transitioning from a meeting hiccup to her plans to escape had things gone sour, but she didn't want to be so rude as to just get up and leave.)

Never underestimate the wiles of a woman,
(or the lengths they will go to be politely uninterested. If I were to ask a friend to call me, it'd be to make sure I were still alive, not to give me an excuse where all I should have to do is say, Yeah, I'm getting back to work now.)

She had turned her phone off fifteen minutes after we sat down. (Ha. That would have been problematic for my type of phone call friend check)

meal, she'd have let me win. Not a chance.
(great job with double work on the fun humor, by sneaking in that you fed her along with games, but not delivering it in a boring way.

The rest, as they say, is history.
(super cool tale with a fun voice and a happy edge.)

when I look at her and feel the same excitement and elation as I did in that sun-drenched beer
(super well done on tying the front of the tale, to the end and then practical thoughts of after the 'happy ever after' of reality where we all have our sour moments, but oh the sour coming right back to the sweet of a single moment as described in this short tale. )

I didn't pause on anything, and I'm the type where I can't help but pause to poke at a sentence or concern.

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2019


reply by the author on 22-Jul-2019
    Thanks so much for the wonderful review, and the exceptional rating, Turtle. I really appreciate both. I made a conscious effort to shorten the average length of my sentences, so I'm pleased you noticed that. I was a little hesitant to reveal so much in this short piece, but the fact that you enjoyed it makes me feel more comfortable about doing so. Much appreciation, as always. Craig
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Excellent
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A lovely read of how you and your love got together Craig and I enjoyed the fact that you added a little light humour into it re women's wiles.
Enjoyed your story,
cheers,
valda

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2019


reply by the author on 20-Jul-2019
    Thanks very much, Valda. I'm glad you enjoyed, and grateful for the lovely comments. Craig
Comment from BeasPeas
Excellent
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This is great. I enjoyed reading your romantic non-fiction story. Your writing is clear and interesting. Things fall into place easily when we meet the right person. Best of luck in the contest. Marilyn

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2019


reply by the author on 20-Jul-2019
    Thanks very much Marilyn. Your remarks are most generous and kind. Craig
Comment from Gloria ....
Excellent
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Well this is just a hoot. Oh for the good old days of super NES even though I've never heard of Crash Bandicoot. I just love the fact that both you and Jayne had escape plans in place just in case. And you say new underestimate the wiles of a woman, how about the wiles of a man?

I like your strong narrative voice in this fine story, Craig and if all goes well you'll win the contest too.

A most enjoyable read today. :)

Gloria

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2019


reply by the author on 20-Jul-2019
    I swear, I had no escape plan lol

    I won't be holding my breath for a result, but thanks for the good wishes and the great comments, Gloria.
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
Excellent
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A beautiful love story that keeps on going. Your writing has a smooth flow, great introductory paragraph and ending paragraph. I enjoyed that you wrote with love, humor and respect. You both make quite the couple; best friends, while lovers of each other, body and soul. That's what I easily understood as I was reading, and that makes me a happy reader.
Thank you for sharing and very best wishes in the contest!

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2019


reply by the author on 20-Jul-2019
    I'm glad it came across the way I intended. Love humour and respect sounds like the perfect recipe to me. Many thanks for the lovely comments. Craig
Comment from lyenochka
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What a sweet recounting of your first meeting! Enjoyed it immensely and so glad that two word enthusiasts got together. Impressed that you were able to do the cooking on your early dates. Were you both vegetarians then? Have you since given up the cigarettes?

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2019


reply by the author on 19-Jul-2019
    Hi Helen,

    We weren't vegetarians then, that came quite a bit later. Yes, I gave up the cigarettes years ago. Thanks for the lovely comments, I'm glad you enjoyed :) Craig
reply by lyenochka on 19-Jul-2019
    Good to hear! Here's to good health!
Comment from catch22
Excellent
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Hi Craig, this was such a sweet and true to life memory of the beginning of your relationship with your mate. I loved the attention to detail in the story, such as the mention of the game you both played together (I assume this is a video game?). I loved the authenticity of the language--straightforward and not overly flowery or sappy. Very good writing and best in the contest.

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2019


reply by the author on 19-Jul-2019
    Hi Pam, yes. Crash Bandicoot is a great video game. Even thinking about it makes me want to dig the controller out from the cupboard it's been banished to ever since shortly after the meeting described here (we moved, and have just never got around to playing again). Thanks for the wonderful comments. Craig
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Excellent
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You did a great job, Craig, with your story for the contest. I enjoyed reading it. I like the way both of you had planned an 'out'. However, it wasn't needed. Your story has great flow with details. I believe in love at first sight. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Jan

 Comment Written 19-Jul-2019


reply by the author on 19-Jul-2019
    LOL well I hadn't really planned one (truth), but she believes I did. Thanks for the great comments, Jan.