Reviews from

Par Angusta Ad Augusta

Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Chapter 9"
Through Trial to Triumph

3 total reviews 
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

(councilor s/b counselor; Kane s/b cane)

Touching final scene--characters credible and well-drawn and their conversation natural and rich. Fine work. Cheers. IZ


 Comment Written 03-Oct-2020


reply by the author on 04-Oct-2020
    Thank you. I will fix that.
Comment from robyn corum
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

T,

A nice chapter with the funeral and the kids trying to begin getting settled in their new environment. I have no doubt that this new dad will do great.

I have some notes:
1.) the ceremony was being streamed online to every U.S. Embassay and conselet.
--> 'Embassy' / 'consulate'

2.) at which point they'd receive equal thirds of the rem(a)ining money.

3.) He figured it'd most of the papers would end up in the garbage or his shredder,
--> delete 'it'd'

You're doing a great job - though I think your chapters are still a bit long to get the most reviews for your money.

Good luck!

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2020


reply by the author on 14-Sep-2020
    Thank you again. These tips are appreciated.
Comment from Ben B.
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I'm new to your story, been awhile since I've been online. Seems like you've got a good story so far, dialog is certainly smooth. I do personally advise to remind you though that short chapters had been more popular as of late. Lately I've been splitting my own chapters in half. Ideal chapter breaks would be time lapses, changing scenery, switching to another character's perspective, etc.

 Comment Written 14-Sep-2020


reply by the author on 14-Sep-2020
    Thank you. I will keep that in mind. It's been an internal debate for me.