Humor Non-Fiction posted September 29, 2012

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General Taos Penis

by jaydub99

I was surfing, not on water, but rather on the Internet; that expansive void where all knowledge is contained. I was an encyclopedia reader as a kid; I loved useless, fragmented knowledge. My eyes were drawn to an article from China.

Since the French perfected the world's first facial transplant, it seems every country is rushing to transplant something. China decided to go for the gusto. A forty-four-year-old farmer had his penis torn off in what was described only as a "horrible traumatic accident." What an absolute understatement. If the Captain gets torn off, in any conceivable circumstance, it is horrible and I would sure hope it is an accident. Ouch...that has got to hurt. I guess some doctors found him, had a long chat, and decided to secure him a new Johnson. They got a donor, some poor chap who died in a car accident. They sewed it on, connected the nerves, and there you go, good as new.

Well....not quite. According to the article, it was far from normal looking. First of all, it was "another guy's penis." You know that was awkward. Men have a relationship with their penises and a new kid on the block would require an adjustment period. Secondly, it was grotesquely swollen. I guess that is a common event when the penis is amputated and sewn onto another man's yam bag.

After a period of time, I understand it was a functioning and contributing member of the team. Well, as an urination station. Sex was still down the road a little. Biggest obstacle to a return to marital bliss was that Mrs. Farmer had a problem with the new organ. She had developed a psychological aversion to the guest penis and demanded it be removed. She hated the intruder into their bedroom. Even though it was a miracle of modern medicine, it caused too much stress in their lives. Subsequently, it was lopped off and is currently living in parts unknown. As for the fate of the farmer, they didn't say. I am assuming he has moved on and is adjusting to life without a penis.

Damn. To think I was irritated that my shoe was rubbing on my big toe.


Just something that caught my imagination and I ran with it. It was an actual article on MSNBC but who knows if it was a real person. Not meant to offend anyone. I appreciate any feedback and as always...thanks for taking the time.
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