Letters and Diary Non-Fiction posted June 11, 2016

This work has reached the exceptional level
Childhood traumas

Sick Memories

by Susanne M. Psyris

The author has placed a warning on this post for violence.
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.

I remember seeing the devil posed within my home as a child. He was huge and he was ugly and scared the fuck out of me. An imposing man with a frightening posture any time he entered a room. It was my father. He was a raging alcoholic and gave not a shit about his wife, my mother, or his children, one of which was me. The bastard.

I can write this now, as he passed on September 4th, 2015. Now, I don't have to worry about hurting his feelings; about stirring up all the shit from my childhood--my ugly past. Now, he is gone and I am free to express myself and get the fuck over it.

Yesterday, I turned 60 years old. God! I never thought I would live this long. I expected to be dead by the time I was 40 years old. Amazing how we don't have control over our feelings or our longevity in this life. God guides us. Thank God that he hasn't left it up to me or I wouldn't be writing these words today.

This man gave me night terrors as a child and nightmares as an adult, even at a time when I had reconciled with him and learned that hating him only lowered my self-esteem. I worked very hard at a relationship once he stopped drinking and abusing all of us (we were six) in his disgusting and evil ways. It wasn't just the words or the slap across the face; it wasn't even the humiliation of being beaten over the horse in the basement with bare ass hanging out.

It was mostly the knowledge that he hated us and we were props in his sick and perverted way of expressing the inside anger he held outwards towards us. The bastard!

I do love and I do miss him now that he has passed away. I miss every memory that was never made and every moment that was lost to his alcoholism. I miss being normal like other children my age, and knowing, in my heart that it would never be that way. But, I do miss him.

I Remember writing prompt entry
Writing Prompt
Begin your non-fiction autobiographical story or poem with the words 'I remember...' Complete the sentence conveying a moment, an object, a feeling, etc. This does not have to be a profound memory, but should allow readers insight into your feelings, observations and/or thoughts. Use at least 100, but not more than 1,000 words. The count should be stated in your author notes.

I don't have a word counter program on my computer, but I don't think I exceeded the 100 word limit. If I did, oh well, I feel much better now after 60 years of suffering and pretending that it was all bullshit...we lived in Mayberry, USA. lol (403 words in total)
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