Football Chapter 11 part 3
Katherine shares a glimpse of her previous life.
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A.J. Dodd (AD)

There Is Power In The Word by Ideasaregems-Dawn
Chapter 14 of the book A Book of Essays

Excellent
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Getting thoughts down is a very important exercise, and even though I don't think I'll ever write an autobiography myself, I can fully appreciate why some people have the desire to do so.

You're doing a good job of recounting parts of your life and family details as you go along so far.

I'll try not to miss an excerpt, but some days are kinder than others in terms of the time one can dedicate to reviewing.
Comment Written by A.J. Dodd (AD) on 30-May-2019

Years Later I Still Miss My Dogs by Ideasaregems-Dawn

Excellent
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Hey,

I don't really have much to say on this piece, so I'll keep this brief.

The opening was great, the story about the boy, the way you explained your mourning for him despite not knowing him, all great stuff. Until about halfway through billy's part I was with you, then my mind began to wonder and I checked for the end...

I understand that dogs are clearly a big part of your life, but if I'm honest, this read dragged for me. It may be partly due to me not being a dog person, it may be that we had lots of musing with little substance, it might be something in between.

Autobiography's grip us when the person is talking about the things that shape them in great detail and glossing over the details of those that don't. Dogs in general, are obviously a big part of your life, and I'm sure you loved each one, but a little too much of "this was the dog" and not enough of "this is what it means to me now."

Just one man's opinion feel free to disregard.
Comment Written by A.J. Dodd (AD) on 30-May-2019

Internet PM Conversation by Alex Rosel

Excellent
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Give me more spam!

That was a fun read, I've come to expect them now though.

Charming character (reminds me of an ex-colleague actually) and believable "straight guy"

an interesting take on the contest requirements - made me reconsider my own attempt :-P

best of luck in the poll

"A big fat, holy-rolly, ring-donut digit." fun description.

Comment Written by A.J. Dodd (AD) on 28-May-2019

Shooting the rapids by snodlander
Chapter 6 of the book The Song

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi there,

An intriguing little world we have here.

Characters are mostly believable. The writing is simple enough, but not overly so. A little dialogue heavy perhaps and a few paragraphs could use a break.

Notes: in the order I read them

In first four lines you use the word "door" it reads as a little excessive, the second can be cut. Probably the third use too.

I do like the chancellor, perfectly dislikeable. An air of superiority that he likely does not possess

About half way down and I have little sense of where we are, a bed, a door and a bedroom she is held in I guess, but no colour, no sense of space, etc.

"he won't admit it, won't say it out loud. " The repetition feels redundant here.

An alright read, but a little lacking in depth in my opinion.
Comment Written by A.J. Dodd (AD) on 27-May-2019

Stairway From Heaven by humpwhistle

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

That opening had me sitting back in my chair ready for a good time.

Florida heaven - the guy in front of me wanted to know what was funny.

Yep, yep. That's the whole review

Comment Written by A.J. Dodd (AD) on 27-May-2019

When I am Gone by A. Willow Bends

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A touching read.

I am so out of practice with reviewing poetry... But here goes nothing.

I very much enjoyed your ability to waylay information with linking phrases and sentence manipulation

This stanza particularly
"can't fathom not to hold them near
the thought of it brings on a tear
will not wish for a hasty reunion."

I do not have suggestions for improvement. It's already pleasant.
Comment Written by A.J. Dodd (AD) on 27-May-2019
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Isabella Fafnir Neo by Sefiros
Chapter 91 of the book Tests

Excellent
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Hi Sefiros,

As we are in almost the same boat in terms of project, I'm going to write this review like I'd want to read one. I hope it proves helpful.

First, to answer your direct question in the notes. She is clearly a bad guy. To be honest, the thing I felt, was that she was too much a bad guy. Considering that we're mostly in her head, you can also make her a little sympathetic, some trait of hers that you like to add a bit of shape to her. I got a very strong sense of her being written specifically to make us hate her, but a little too much.

I like the concepts and world building present here though, I don't know how deep in the book you are at this stage, but it was a pretty decent balance of slightly too much info, but not that it's spoon fed, bending the ruler to the point before it snaps so to speak.

I also liked, hated... Liked to hate her cold detachment to the men she used and the synthetics. The father dynamic is interesting as well, because she is clearly afraid of someone.


A few notes while I was reading to consider.
What the fuck is it? - needs formatting to differentiate it from descriptive text.

Same for the following response.

"It'd take forever to get that stink out of the bridge" no need for the repetition of the bridge.

I will look to read more f your work, well unless my notes are not useful to you.
Comment Written by A.J. Dodd (AD) on 27-May-2019

Something Beautiful by Sally Law

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Solid opening line, and as we go on, I find myself quite captivated by your musing, only pulled out at mention of a god, but that is a taste issue, not a criticism on you.

I had no notes to make beyond that. I kind of feel like that is high praise, as I usually have a lot to say, but I was simply taken in by words.

A fine write.

In fact, here, have one, I hold them dear usually, but a good piece of writing is a good piece of writing.

Comment Written by A.J. Dodd (AD) on 27-May-2019

The Fisherman's Son- Fourteen by Ulla
Chapter 14 of the book The Fisherman's Son

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi there,

I always skip the"previously" part preferring to read the piece on its own merits, having said that, I will keep in mind that I'm mid-book.

My thoughts will be in order, it is up to you if you take them on board or ignore them

Here we go.

As an opening sentence, the dialogue is a little wordy, if this is a character quirk, I would consider moving it down a little.

Para 5, I think. You don't need the second "house" maybe "it" or simply omit it.

Otherwise solid foundation of character in natural way - like it.

May be British Vs American thing but "arrive to" is a mistake in my ear - we normally "arrive at sth"

"She simply refused to entertain the thought that the unthinkable could have happened." This reads a little awkwardly, one cannot think something that is unthinkable. Consider "idea" (or equivalent) in place of "thought"

"Mrs Harris was toying with her food as much as he did." - Was as last word. Verb consistency.

I like the description of quick action in the last para.

--

Righto, mostly a solid read. Characters seem pretty real and space is well established. The nuts are easy enough to clean up and no major issues so five seems fair.

Thank you for the read.
Comment Written by A.J. Dodd (AD) on 27-May-2019

St. Louis Chapter 6 part 1 by barbara.wilkey
Chapter 15 of the book St Louis

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi there,

I always skip the "previously" parts and take the read as is, but I will keep in mind that I am mid-book.

All notes are in the order I thought than, and they can be taken or left as you see fit.


You are certainly one of the more professional writers here, making the "review" job difficult, but probably more important. I tend to read pieces as in progress, but this was clearly honed. If I see your name pop up again in future I will be sure to tackle it with a finer comb. I was a bit taken aback here though.

In terms of story, it was a fine read, and my mind didn't wander, but I also wasn't totally gripped. Maybe if I go back, I will be,but I get a feeling of "not much happened here" though the early confusion over date-no-date did add a pinch of conflict and set the atmosphere for this interaction quite well.

I think I've said enough for now. A fine write, not to my taste, but enjoyed it regardless, so I guess that is a solid compliment, at the very least, it is meant that way.

I hope to read more in the future.
Here goes

Opening line is good mood setting.

"So early? ... Middle of the night." I understand the meaning clearly, but this reads to me as contradictory.

Genuine sounding dialogue otherwise.
***

It's rare that I enjoy dialogue with no breaks, but this works, very effectively actually.

***

Nothing of particular note past here




Comment Written by A.J. Dodd (AD) on 27-May-2019


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