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 Category:  General Poetry
  Posted: June 24, 2019      Views: 42

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Flutie to Phelan, 1984
"The Hail Mary" by Mark Valentine
November 23, 1984. Boston College is playing the defending national champions, the University of Miami. With six seconds left, Boston College trails Miami 45-41. Boston College has the ball on the Miami 48 yard line. With time for only one more play, Boston College sends all their wide receivers into the end zone as quarterback Doug Flutie throws up a “Hail Mary”.
Brent Musburger calls the game on CBS:

MUSBURGER: “Three wide receivers out to the right…Flutie flushed…throws it down…”
Meanwhile, Flutie prays…

Pardon me Most Blessed Virgin
For your reverie disturbin’,
But my matter’s sort of urgent
And I’ve no one else to call.
See, we’re down to our last play now.
Goal line’s fifty yards away now.
Nothing left to do but pray now,
Now that I’ve just heaved the ball.
If you’d like to check the stats quick,
Scan the scoreboard – do the math quick,
You’ll see that the team that’s Catholic
Needs a touchdown, Heaven knows.
Meanwhile those Miami sinners
(Guys who eat live bats for dinners)
Pray to Satan they’ll be winners
When the final whistle blows.
Who will triumph, good or evil
On this battleground primeval?
Oddsmakers predict that we will
Hang our heads in dark despair.
Though at present we are trailin’,
Back behind the defense, Phelan
Watches my pass toward him sailin’,
Marks the ball’s traject’ry well.
So we come to Thee, dear Mary.
Look with favor on this prayer we
Need to beat our adversary
And send Satan back to hell.
The final outcome now is near, O,
See the clock tick down to zero!
Will I be a goat or hero?
Now it’s anybody’s guess.
Forty-one or forty-seven?
What sayst Thou, O Queen of Heaven?
Play’s complete, so guess we’ll check in
With Brent’s call on CBS…
MUSBURGER: Caught by Boston College! I don’t believe it! It’s a touchdown! The Eagles win it! I don’t believe it! Phelan is at the bottom of that pile. Here comes the Boston College team. He threw it into the end zone there was no time left on the clock the ball went between two defensive backs of Miami. 


Author Notes

As history has recorded, Boston College won that game 47-45. Doug Flutie would go on to win the Heisman trophy that year. He would go on to have a professional career in the CFL and NFL. As for Miami, a number of their players would star on various prison teams. A recent PBS Frontline documentary revealed that the head coach of that Miami team, and current Fox Sports analyst, Jimmy Johnson, is in fact, Satan incarnate.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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