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 Category:  General Script
  Posted: November 21, 2019      Views: 28

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 ABOUT
BILL SCHOTT 

Retired Marine; retired high school teacher; married 34 years; father of three; five grandchildren; one rescue granddog.

He is a top ranked author at the #10 position.

He is an accomplished novelist and is currently at the #23 spot on the rankings.

He is an accomplished script writer and is currently at the #3 spot on the rankings.

He is an accomplished poet and is currently at the #43 spot on this years rankings.

He is also an active reviewer and is holding the #11 spot on the top ranked reviewer list.

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Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
a one scene script
"Scene.. Seed Spit 4" by Bill Schott




Characters:
Pons
Ned
Apollo = old Russian body-builder
Pallas
Plan 9 = alien
Spitter 4 (Sp4) = itinerate vagrant
Spitter 5 (Sp5) = escaped lunatic
============================
Ned and Pallas are presenting popup shillouettes for the final leg of the seed spitting competition.  Plan 9 has just destroyed a sillouette of Elvis.  There are three more sillouettes to go.  Plan 9, an alien; Spitter 4, a homeless man passing through town; and Spitter 5, an escapee from an insane asylum are the participants still in contension. 

Pons: We're back ladies and gentlemen. Now that the bomb squad has determined that our sillouette of Elvis was likely painted with too many coatings of a highly combustible lacquer, we can continue without a care in the world as if nothing has happened.

Ned:  Good thin' that weren't the real Elvis. That mighta actual kilt the man. Then what?

Apollo: King is dead now. Was in all papers four decades in past.

Pallas: Good thing, 'cause he'd be a Hunka Hunk a Burnin' Love in the back of an ambulance right now.

Plan 9: Elvis represents the world as it BURNS TO A PROVERBIAL CINDER!

Spt 4: I hope the next target is less dramatic.

Spt 5: Perhaps Shirley Temple or Shemp Howard.

Pons: Moving right along, folks, our three spitters will approach the next target on these unicycles.


The three mount their unicycles differently and with varying degrees of difficulty.  Plan 9 climbs on the traditional way and proceeds. Spt4 places his hands on the seat, one foot on a pedal, and uses his other foot to push the one-wheeled vehicle forward. Spt5 picks the unicycle up by the pedals and aims the frame and wheel forward like a divining rod.

Ned: I thunk they was goin' ta be on unicorns. Guess I heard wrong.

Apollo: Many things wrong with unicycle also.

Pallas: Speaking of wrong, here comes the next target.


A sillouette of former Vice President Spiro Agnew appears.

Plan 9: Who the hell is that?

Spt 4: Who the hell is that?

Spt 5: Spiro? We meet again, my old nemesis.


Pons: Who the hell is that?

Ned: That there's Spiral Ignew. He was Tricky Dick Nixon's first vicer versa president afore he got fired and deplaced by Jerry Old Ford.

Apollo: Is historical fact.

Pons: Spitters, SPIT!

Pallas: Let's not blow the old VP up this time. I could use him in the HOV lane.

Spt 4:
(Spits four seeds and never comes close)  Curses!  Foiled again!

Spt 5: (Swallows all the remaining seeds and simply makes spitting sounds)  Patooey! Patooey!

Plan 9: (
Spits and the Spiro Agnew sillouette spins until it is drilled into the ground)  

Pons:  That puts a new -- spin -- on things (smiling, awaiting response, silence)

Ned: Spiral got screwt in the ground there.

Apollo: Crooked like corkscrew now is screw-ed like crook.

Pallas: No cool lines for me I guess. 

Pons:  This one goes to Plan 9 as well and sets us up for sudden death.

Plan 9: Your sudden death would be a luxury as YOUR WORLD IS CONSUMED IN A BLAZING CONFLAGRATION !

Spt 4:  I have to hit the next sillouette or I'll lose the game.

Spt 5: I am Spartacus!  No, I am Spartacus. 


Pons: Spitters 4 or 5 need to take out this third sillouette or they will both be mathematically eliminated.

Ned: Sounds dange-rous. 

Apollo: Means spitters cannot win contest.

Pallas: I think they've proved that already.

Plan 9: Indeed. I should be declared the champion and Earth SACRAFICED AS A BURNT OFFERING TO MY GRAND BEING!

Spt 4: I should be moving on. I have heard there is a chess tournament in the next town.

Spt 5:  I must go as well. I am the Queen's Bishop.


Pons: Looks like two of the three contestants are throwing in the towel.

Ned: Snatch That towel up fer me, Pons. I dun wore a hole in my bathroom-dish washin'-car buffin'- turban makin'- rat snappin' beach towel.

Apollo: Is metaphorical towel.

Ned:  I kin use it fer metafours and fives too. 

Pallas: You're a metathree at best, Ned. When folks say, "Like Ned" they're referring to a three-legged caterpillar or a headless pony.

Plan 9: Oooh!  Harsh.


Pons: Pallas, remind me to kick your dumb ass later.

Ned: Whilest he's kickin' yer donkey, I'll be blousin' yer eye.

Apollo: Ned leaves me with speech loss.

Pons:  Trophy's yours, Plan 9. (Pons presents a watermelon with WINNER written on it in black permanent marker. 

Plan 9: Glorious! It will be the sole surviving form of intelligent life left on this SOON TO BE MOLTEN GLOB!


Pons: Kind of a bad winner, huh?

Ned: Should I ha' spelt it wit three Ns ?



The End
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