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Dedicated to Janice!
 Category:  Family Non-Fiction
  Posted: February 11, 2017      Views: 337
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I spent the earlier years of my life with my mother at grandpa and grandma's little log cabin in the Smoky Mountains, as we had no place else to go. My father (a Green Beret) was killed in Korea in 1955, the year I was born. I never knew him. - more...

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Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of violence.
Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of language.
This work has reached the exceptional level

Chapter 2 of the book Swing High, Swing Low!
After attempting suicide, Janice searches for Peggy.
"In search of Peggy!" by junglefighter

Previously:  The doctor stepped through the door, leaving it slightly ajar, and I quickly jumped from bed, ran through the door and on to the kitchen.  All the while, the doctor was calling for security.  As I entered the kitchen, the chef was carving chicken.  He had left a butchers knife on the cutting board nearby.  Grabbing the knife, I raised it above my head then cried, "I'm coming to join you, Peggy."

Chapter 2

Before I could plunge the butcher's knife into my heart, The chef ran over, grabbed my arms, twisted the knife from my hand, and physically restrained me until security arrived. I was strapped to a cart, then transported back to my room. "Let me go, you bastard," I yelled to the security worker. " I know Peggy is out there somewhere, and I'm gonna search for her," I screamed. Cinching the straps tighter, he smiled then said, "She's all yours, doctor."

I glanced up, and saw a man dressed in white, and as well, a woman wearing a paper cap cocked to the side of her head. Just what I needed, a butcher and his dinky apprentice. "For God's sake, Peggy is waiting, don't you idiots understand? Please, unstrap me from this roller coaster, I gotta take her home."

"Barbara administer 25 mg/ml of Chlorpromazine intravenously immediately, followed with 50 mg's after 4 hours, then increase dosage to 400 mg's every 6-hours until Janice is controlled. Afterwards, administer 100 mg tablets orally, 3 times a day until I direct you otherwise. Understand?"

"Of course, Dr. James. Janice is hallucinating awfully bad, and her adrenaline level is probably, sky high."

"My adrenaline level! What are you talking about, you bitch?" I screamed. Not only was she a bitch, she used foreign words as well.


My first week of hospitalization, was mind-boggling. There were nurses running around with needles the size of icicles, medications that bit my tongue, and doctors with prissy asses that thought they were hot shit. Of course I was only manic, not crazy as hell. To have pissed them off, would have meant my getting old and decrepit in the psych unit.

"Good morning, Janice, this is starting your second week with us here in the unit. Are you ready to talk about Peggy?"

"Peggy is lost out there somewhere, you idiot. Haven't you been listening? You're nothing but a brain robber!"

"My name is Dr. James, and I was your doctor with your last hospitalization. I'm here to help you find Peggy. Okay?"

"You're here to take her away again, and I'm gonna stick your throat like a hog. Now, where's my butcher's knife, you bastard?"

"Barbara, raise her medication to 200 mg's, 3 times daily, and give her a sleeping sedative, okay?"

"Yes, Dr. James. God, she's hallucinating worse than before."

"Janice, I'm giving you something to help you sleep, okay?"

"Get away from me, you needle pusher. I can't find Peggy if I'm asleep, dummy."

Once again, I felt the needle sink deep in my ass, and it burned like hell. And as the darkness captured my eyes, I whispered, "I'm coming, Peggy. Please, wait and we'll make mud pies for the babies."

"Its time to wake up, Janice, are you feeling somewhat better?"

"God, how long did I sleep, nurse? And yes! I do feel better. May I call you, Barbara?"

"Of course, Janice, I've been called worse."

"I'm awfully hungry. May I please have something to eat?"

"Yes, you may. I'll have something brought to you from the kitchen. Please, relax, you're gonna be fine."

My second week in the unit was a piece of cake, to coin the phrase. The needles seemed shorter, medications were tolerable to my tongue, and I wasn't calling Dr. James bad names anymore. Really, he was a good looking man in a rugged sort of way, and he wasn't prissy when he walked. After attending bunches of behavioral disorder classes on the bipolar disorder, I felt certain that my becoming irritable and being a bitch, was manifested by my guilt and grief complex from the death of my sister, Peggy.

Today, our guest speaker said, "The bipolar disorder is inherited, with genetic factors accounting for approximately 80% of the conditions." Although it had not surfaced in my father or mother, it did however, in Grandma some years ago. All things considered, I could relate to her frustration. I treasured her yet, passing her gene on to me made me angry. "Oh, well, I'll not linger there," I whispered, then fell asleep.

I was awake early this morning, and after eating breakfast then taking my medications, I was anxious to see Dr. James.

"Good morning, Janice. You're beginning your third week in the unit."

"I am, Dr. James!"

"Okay, now tell me what you've learned."

"First, that I'm bipolar, and was feeling hatred toward my husband, Bill for Peggy's death. That triggered my mood into a manic high. Second, is that Peggy is with God, and not lost anymore. Lately, I've learned to love and respect those professionals who've given me back my life. They as well, made possible a pathway to my dreams.

"Of course, I thanked God for sending me the angels that staff this unit. Although their wings never touch the ground, they touched my mind, and I glow like a firefly in the night. I shall always be grateful to you all, Dr. James. I'm so sorry to have been disrespectful and cruel at times. I was only lashing out yet, I could not help myself. Peggy was my life, and I miss her dearly.

Last night before falling asleep, I could almost hear her whisper, I'm okay, big sister and I'll be flying around to watch you play with Betsy. Please, kiss her for me, and say, Peggy loves you darling. Of course, I wasn't going to tell you that Doctor James. Because I was afraid you'd keep me for another week."

"God bless you for your honesty, Janice. Now, would you do something for me?"

"Of course, I will, doctor."

"Then return to a scene where Peggy is playing with Betsy and say, 'I love you, darling. Fly to heaven and save me a seat'. If that doesn't brighten your spirit, then I'll pay travel expenses there and back. Now, what do you think?"

"God, you got me crying. What a precious little story. However, I'm afraid if someone heard me say that, they'd call you. Of course, that would be okay too. Cause I'd get to come back and hug your neck. Will I be going home soon, doctor?"

"Do you feel you're ready, Janice?"

"Of course, I do. I'm more ready than a hummingbird to eat nectar."

"Now, I must admit, that's ready to go. Who shall be home for you?"

"Bill, father, mother, four sisters and one brother."

"Your sense of humor, attitude, and reasoning are commendable. I'll ask Bill, your father and mother to sit in on our discharge session tomorrow. Now, eat a hot dinner, take your medication and sleep peacefully. You are a remarkable example for others to follow. We'll talk tomorrow, Janice."

"God bless you, Dr. James! "

"He already did, Janice. He brought me your beautiful smile."

After dinner, I took my medications, watched a little television then went to bed early. The idea of going home was overwhelmingly exciting and I was ecstatic. Once closing my eyes I whispered, "Thank You, Jesus for touching my face."

"Start waking up, Janice. You have a 9 am session with Dr. James. Your mom and dad are there"

"Thank you, Barbara. You didn't mention Bill. Dr. James said he would be there as well."

"I know! The doctor will talk with you, okay?"

"Yes, Ma'am! I'll be at his office at 9 am sharp."

As I walked into Dr. James's office, I saw mother crying in father's arms. My adrenaline was pumping profusely and I felt faint. Sitting down in a chair I said, "I love you, mom and dad! I'm sorry for having worried you so much. Please, forgive me. Now, where's Bill?"

I glanced over at Dr. James. His face was grim and pale. I watched as Father removed a handkerchief from his pocket and gave it to mother to wipe the tears. I never saw father cry, yet tears ran down his cheeks.

"Where is Bill," I cried. "Why didn't he come?"

"Janice! Please be calm. Remember my saying, your humor, attitude, and reasoning are commendable? You are a remarkable example for others to follow?"

"Of course, I do! But what does that have to do with now? Where is Bill?"

"Please!  Let's reason through this like we did last week. Bill was shot while out hunting with a friend."

"Sweet Jesus!   Not my Bill. He survived the pits of hell in Iraq, earned a Silver Star, yet still came home. He's my hero! Don't try and tell me he was shot and killed by a friend while out hunting. I'll not hear that! Are you listening? Haven't I suffered enough already?"
"Janice!  Please calm you're self, your cycling again."

  "When I first came here, you took Peggy away from me, you brain robbing asshole.  Now, you're trying to take Bill away from me, you bastard.  I can't handle that--I'll get the butcher's knife and cut my throat.  I don't want to live without Bill.  Are you listening, God?  I'm coming to see you." 

Oh, I told you I'd leave you hanging,  Shee!  I'm writing chapter 3...

A 'Salute' to Armurray for the awesome artwork!



The book continues with My Hero!. We will provide a link to it when you review this below.

Author Notes
For those of you who have never seen a bipolar in a euphoric episode of mania, then I coin the phrase, "There but for the grace of God go I!" As always, thanks for reading my work. Best wishes wherever you are.
Pays one point and 2 member cents. Artwork by avmurray at

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