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 Category:  Western Script
  Posted: January 21, 2020      Views: 62
Chapters:
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CRYSTIECOOKIE999 

Have English B.A. with Creative Writing Emphasis from the University of Utah. Came back to Fanstory.com after 6 years gone to practice more genres of writing and get writing prompt ideas. I have written over 1500 poems, twenty songs, and sixteen scr - more...

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Chapter 9 of the book The Legend of John Shane
Humorous western script Act 2 Scene 6
"Legend of John Shane A2S6" by CrystieCookie999



Scene 6

Christian church interior. Stained glass window is seen behind a white or brown wooden pulpit. A few wooden chairs are placed to suggest the pews. REVEREND CARDALL is standing behind the pulpit, with BIG MARTY standing behind him. COLE BLACK enters from Stage Right, holding MARYANN firmly by the arm. MARYANN looks unhappy.

REVEREND
(To COLE.) Oh, there you are. I say, isn't this wedding rather rushed today? You're terribly lucky I even had time to perform the ceremony this afternoon. We have choir practice in an hour, and I need to sweep the floor and the choir loft.

COLE
Never mind that. We are gettin' married today, and that's final, Reverend.

MARYANN
Please, Reverend...

COLE
(Firmly, to MARYANN.) What was the deal, MaryAnn?

REVEREND
Yes, my dear?

MARYANN
Never mind. It was nothing.

REVEREND
All right, then. Shall we begin? Oh, wait, I need to find my reading glasses. (Searches in pockets of robe.)

COLE
(Impatiently.) Come on, come on! (Looks back over shoulder.)

REVEREND
Ah, here they are. (Pulls out glasses and puts them on. Opens Bible on pulpit to read piece of paper that says "Marriage Ceremony" on top.)

MARYANN
Wait, Reverend! I don't want to marry this man!

REVEREND
What? Oh, all, right, my dear. If you have changed your mind, then I won't continue. (Closes Bible.)

COLE
(Sternly.) Continue, Reverend. (To MARTY.) Marty, we need a little bit of your "persuasion" to get this done.

BIG MARTY
(Pulls out gun, cocks it, and aims it at REVEREND CARDALL's arm, slanted downward.) Keep readin' now, Reverend.

REVEREND
(Leans away from the gun, opens Bible again. Clears throat, and speaks with a shaky voice.) Uh, dearly beloved?

COLE
(To MARYANN.) Remember, MaryAnn, you marry me or I'll send every sharpshooter I can hire to go after that man, John. I'll teach him to steal my silver!

MARYANN
(To COLE.) What do you mean? What silver?

REVEREND
(To COLE.) Yeah, what do you mean? What silver?

BIG MARTY
(To REVEREND.) Hey, you, preacher man! Keep readin'! Mr. Black's orders!

REVEREND
Say, we have laws in Utah prohibiting the use of force or duress in regards to any marriage.

BIG MARTY
(Sneers close to REVEREND's face.) Yeah, well, my gun doesn't know your law. Don't you know who I am? I'm Big Marty Lewis of Abilene, Texas.

REVEREND
Er, I don't believe I'm acquainted with that name.

BIG MARTY
Well, then, listen to this.

(Song) "Ballad of Big Marty" (ALL except JOHN, SHORTY, REVEREND, and MARYANN sing.)

REVEREND
Uh, yeah, in that case. Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today--

(JOHN and SHORTY run on from Stage Right, with guns drawn, then hurry to squat or kneel on one knee behind the wooden chairs and train their guns on MARTY and COLE. MARTY appears confused and first points his gun at JOHN, then SHORTY, but finally decides to point his gun at REVEREND CARDALL again.)

COLE
(Sees JOHN and SHORTY and starts reaching for his gun from a shoulder holster under his coat.) Why, you!

JOHN
Don't even think about it, Cole. You just tell your gunslinger there to drop his gun, or I'll let Slim here do the talkin'.

COLE
Slim? Who's Slim?

JOHN
(Clears throat.) Slim is my gun. Slim the Triple Slick Six-shooter.

MARTY
Huh? You named your gun?

SHORTY
Gee, John, that's what MaryAnn said, too!

JOHN
Not now, Shorty! (To MARTY.) Drop your gun, or you're going to find out what it means to be turned into Swiss cheese.

SHORTY
Yum! I love Swiss cheese! Course, it's not the same as German cheese, but--

JOHN
Shhh! I'm trying to bluff the bad guy here!

MARTY
(Derisively.) Oh, like I'm so scared!

JOHN
That does it! (Shoots his gun upwards. The sound of a bullet ricocheting seven or eight times, a pause.)

MARTY
(Sneers.) Ha ha, you missed!

JOHN
(Confidently.) Wait a second.

(Rubber chicken or stuffed bird with loose feathers falls to ground, or is tossed from offstage.)

REVEREND
(Looks at an angle toward ceiling.) How'd you do that?

MARYANN
Oh, John, that was just incredible!

COLE
(Mocks MARYANN.) Oh, John, that was just terrible!

JOHN
Well, I do admit, on a good day, I can hit two birds with one shot. But let's get back to business. Now, what was your name again?

BIG MARTY
Big Marty. And don't you forget it!

SHORTY
(Derisively.) Huh? What was your name?

JOHN
Shorty, let me handle this.

SHORTY
(Eagerly.) Okay, John, I've got ya covered.

COLE
That's what you think! Big Marty, I need a distraction!

BIG MARTY
Sure thing, boss. (Jumps in front of COLE with his back to JOHN.)

JOHN
What the--? Now you know I ain't gonna shoot a man in the back!

(BIG MARTY turns around, so that COLE can now be seen with his gun drawn and pointed at MARYANN's arm.)

BIG MARTY
Yeah, that's what I was countin' on. You good guys are SO predictable.

SHORTY
Dang it, John! Now what are we gonna do? (To MARYANN.) Oops, pardon me for cussin', ma'am.

MARYANN
(Nervously, while looking at COLE's gun.) Uh, that's all right, Shorty. I've got bigger problems than that right now.

COLE
(To JOHN.) So now that I've got more bargaining power, I say it's my man, Big Marty, against you, and winner takes all, including MaryAnn.

BIG MARTY
Uh, boss?

COLE
What is it?

BIG MARTY
I thought you were the one who wanted MaryAnn. Besides, I already got me a girl in Abilene.

COLE
It's just a figure of speech. You'll get your money. I get the girl and the silver and the farm.

MARYANN
Silver? What silver?

COLE
(Sternly, to MARYANN.) Quiet, you!

BIG MARTY
(Steps toward front right stage.) Well, then, I guess it's time for a showdown. Otherwise you ain't gettin' past me to get to Mr. Black, now, are ya?

JOHN
(Stands up taller, moves to front left stage.) I reckon you're right. Course, it's the first and the last time I'll square off against ya. So get ready.

(Part of the theme music from "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" plays, or other 'showdown' style music, while BIG MARTY and JOHN give each other mean, narrow-eyed looks. BIG MARTY might stick his tongue out at JOHN.)

BIG MARTY
(Sneers.) That's all the time I'll need. A city boy like you don't stand a chance, no matter what you named your gun.

JOHN
Oh, yeah? Well, you have until the count of three to drop your gun.

BIG MARTY
Go ahead and count. I ain't backin' down.

REVEREND
(Wheedling.) Now, boys, can't you take this outside? (Indicating stained glass window behind him.) I just had the stained glass window washed.

BIG MARTY
(Looks at REVEREND, breaking eye contact with JOHN and lowering gun in order to whine.) Aw, we're just gettin' started!

JOHN
(Quickly.) One-two-three! (Shoots toward BIG MARTY's hand as if to disarm him.)

BIG MARTY
(Drops gun and howls with pain.) Ow, that hurt!

COLE
What the blazes?! (Pulls MARYANN with him hurriedly off Stage Right.)

JOHN
Slim wins every time! (To SHORTY.) Keep him covered. I'm goin' after MaryAnn and Black! (Follows COLE and MARYANN off Stage Right.)

SHORTY
Sure thing. (Moves closer to BIG MARTY.)

BIG MARTY
(Holds shooting hand with other.) Your boss don't play fair!

SHORTY
Oh, well. Too bad for you we aren't as predictable as you thought.

(SHERIFF enters from Stage Right with gun drawn and squats down behind SHORTY and trains his gun on BIG MARTY.)

SHERIFF
Drop your guns!

SHORTY
(Drops his gun and puts his hands up, then looks back to see the SHERIFF.) Hey, the sheriff's here! (Picks up his gun again. Nods toward SHERIFF.) Glad you could make it, Sheriff.

BIG MARTY
(In an oily, persuasive way.) Aw, now, Sheriff, let's talk this out.

SHERIFF
I don't think there's anything to talk about, Big Marty. You're wanted in seven states for all kinds of bad stuff -- stealin' and rustlin' and shootin' three men in the back. Plus you didn't do your church visits last month.

REVEREND
(Shakes finger at BIG MARTY.) You're busted.

BIG MARTY
Aw. It's not fair. Those three men were lawyers, and I figger, we got enough lawyers out West here as it is.

SHERIFF
Well, it's up to the judge now. (To SHORTY.) Shorty, where did John go? And where's Cole Black and MaryAnn Claussen?

SHORTY
Black took MaryAnn somewhere, and John was right on their heels!

SHERIFF
All right, then, as soon as I cuff Big Marty here and take him into jail, I'll have to go lookin' for 'em. Any idea where they might have gone?

SHORTY
(Takes hat off to scratch head.) Well, if it was me, I'd head back to the farm where the silver is. That Black feller might just commence diggin' or explodin' a big hole in the land, to start gettin' at that silver!

SHERIFF
(Takes out old iron handcuffs to cuff BIG MARTY, who is still nursing his "injured" hand.) I reckon that sounds right. Why don't you head on over, and I'll be there in a few minutes.

SHORTY
All right. Bye, Sheriff! Bye, Reverend! (To BIG MARTY, in a mocking way.) And what was your name again?

BIG MARTY
(Growls at SHORTY.) Get outta here!

SHORTY
(Slightly intimidated.) Bye-bye now. Gotta run! (Hurries off Stage Right.)

(REVEREND, SHERIFF, and BIG MARTY freeze as lights down.)

 

The script continues with Legend of John Shane A2S7,8. We will provide a link to it when you review this below.

Author Notes
figger-figure
Thanks to those who are following this. I think there are only 1 or 2 posts more. Let me know if you think this needs a violence warning. I do my best to indicate pointing with gun props, aiming down toward stage floor.
Pays one point and 2 member cents. Artwork by seshadri_sreenivasan at FanArtReview.com

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