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 Category:  General Script
  Posted: January 22, 2020      Views: 64
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Have English B.A. with Creative Writing Emphasis from the University of Utah. Came back to after 6 years gone to practice more genres of writing and get writing prompt ideas. I have written over 1500 poems, twenty songs, and sixteen scr - more...

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Chapter 10 of the book The Legend of John Shane
Humorous western script, last 2 scenes!
"Legend of John Shane A2S7,8" by CrystieCookie999

Scene 7

Claussen Barn, first floor, with hay arranged differently. MARYANN is tied and sitting on a barrel, surrounded by two bundles of red sticks of

(Ties one last knot in the rope around MARYANN.)

(Struggles.) Let me go!

Ha! Just try and get out of that rope!

(Struggles and wiggles even more wildly.) Mmmmf!

Hey, stop squirming!

But you said—

Never mind what I said. (Pulls piece of paper out of vest that says LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT.) Now I gotta light that dynamite and after you're gone, I'm gonna go get a lawyer to execute this will of yours faster than you can say "You can't get away with this."

Oh yeah? Well, you can't get away with this! Besides, you forced me to sign that will!

(Holds gun loosely with one hand, cups ear with other hand.) Ah, music to my ears! So, are you foolish enough to think this John fellow will come to your rescue? He probably doesn't even have a clue of where to find us.

(Sarcastically.) What, you don't think he can read the script just as well as you can? Anyway, I just know he will come. He loves me, and I love him!

I knew it! That's why I'm blowin' you up. (Melodramatically.) Your cheatin' heart has wounded me to the core.

Well, considerin' you're such a bad apple, it must have been a ROTTEN core!

(JOHN sneaks in, crouching, from Stage Right, with gun aimed toward COLE.)

All right, Black, your days of taking advantage of others --and your lousy singin' -- are over. Put your hands up!

(Looks back, bites his lip with frustration. Scowls and drops gun.) All right. (Holds hands up.)

(JOHN carefully retrieves gun from floor and backs up again with guns still aimed at COLE.)

(To JOHN.) Oh, John! I knew you would come! I just knew it!

(Approaches MARYANN to start loosening ropes while keeping gun trained on COLE the whole time. Pats MARYANN on shoulder.) There, you're safe now, darlin'. My guess is the sheriff will be here any minute.

(SHORTY enters from Stage Right, with his gun aimed at COLE.)

Hey, John. The sheriff is right behind me.

(SHERIFF enters from Stage Right, with his gun aimed at COLE.)

Yeah, I'll be glad to take him in now!

Hey, Sheriff, did you catch the three other cattle rustlers before they attacked the jail?

Well, it was the darndest thing. My deputy told me those three outlaws showed up all right, but they turned tail and ran on account of the fact that the prisoner, Willie, wouldn't allow herself to be busted out of jail. She even volunteered to testify in court--AND give a talk in church services next Sunday in jail. Can you figure that?

(Smiles.) Sounds like she's turnin' over a new leaf.

That could be. (To COLE.) All right, Cole. If you talk, I can put a good word in for you with the judge.

Humph! I'll only talk if this John scoundrel here will tell me how he started refinin' the silver on MaryAnn's land without anyone knowin' about it. (To JOHN.) Marty and I heard you talkin' to her about pickin' up a load of sterling silver from a blacksmith, and don't you play innocent about the silver with me, MaryAnn! After the way you picked my pocket to get those keys, I know you know more than what you say you know!

(Exasperated, to COLE.) I really have no idea what you're talkin' about! (To JOHN.) John, do you know about this?

(Puzzled.) Refinin' the silver? Wait a minute! (To MARYANN.) Remember when we were talkin' about Sterling, MaryAnn?

Ah ha! So you admit it!

(Laughs. To COLE.) Sterling is the name of my horse! I had to pick up my horse, not real silver. In fact, there was no silver at all, except the silver ore you were hidin' in your office. (To MARYANN.) Darlin', the reason Cole wanted to marry you was mostly because of a bunch of silver he wanted to get off'n your land. Shorty and I found the assayer's report in Cole's office and a silver ore sample.

Really? That's amazing. Tell me more later!

I'd like to get a look at that. I think I'll need to have it as evidence.

(SAM, IVAN, and PETE saunter in from Right Stage. They don't notice that COLE has just been arrested and come right up to him.)

Hey, Boss, you've been holdin' out on us.

Yeah, we think it's time you gave us a raise.

And it had better be in silver, Mr. Black.

Shhh! You idiots! Don't you see the sheriff is here?

(Turns around.) Oh, hi, Mister Sheriff. (Sees drawn guns. Pauses.) Uh-oh. (Raises hands, along with IVAN and PETE.)

(Trains his gun in the direction of SAM, PETE, and IVAN.) Yeah, you better say uh-oh. (To SHERIFF.) Sheriff Moore, here's your other three cattle rustlers. Looks like they didn't get away, after all.

Well, that saves me a trip to round them up. (Pulls out handcuffs and chain to begin linking COLE, SAM, IVAN, and PETE together, one by one).

(To SAM, IVAN, and PETE.) So boys, why don't you say hello to Willie for me, while you're in jail?

Sure thing, Bartholo-myoo-hoo. Or is it Bartholo-me-ow?

Hey, that's Mister Shorty to you!

(Grins sheepishly.) Uh, right.

(To JOHN and SHORTY). All right, let's haul these rascals in to the jail. And I sure appreciate your help!

(ALL start exiting Stage Right, with COLE, followed by SAM, IVAN, and PETE, followed by SHERIFF, JOHN, SHORTY, and

Scene 8

Presbyterian church. REVEREND CARDALL is behind his pulpit, pulls out a handkerchief and wipes forehead.

(To AUDIENCE.) Say, am I gonna have a story to tell the choir! What a day!

(ELLIE and IDA enter from Stage Right holding hymn books.)

Hello, Reverend, we came to wrap up this melodrama and get ready for choir practice.

Yeah, and I hear the hero, John, got to kiss MaryAnn. (Giggles.)

Aw, ladies, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but that didn't happen.

What? He didn't kiss her? Why, that's un-American! (Calls Offstage.) Hey, John and MaryAnn! Come back on here.

(JOHN and MARYANN re-enter from Stage Right.)

(To ELLIE.) Yeah, now what is it?

(Hands on hips.) You didn't kiss the girl. Everyone knows when a melodrama ends, the hero has to kiss the girl.

(To JOHN, with imitation of John Wayne accent.) Well, Pilgrim, if you gotta, you gotta.

Aw, MaryAnn, I guess you can tell our children, this is how we started our family tree. (Kisses MARYANN.)

(Lights down. Curtain/Final song.)

(Song) "Rustlers' Trace Finale"
(reprise of melody from "The Legend of John Shane")

Author Notes
Full name of this musical melodrama again is: The Legend of John Shane: Tale of the Rustlers' Trace.
Pays one point and 2 member cents. Artwork by seshadri_sreenivasan at

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