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    Calling Poetic Script Writers! Contest Winner 
 Category:  Humor Fiction
  Posted: April 11, 2020      Views: 167

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"Like every book I never wrote, it is by far the best book I've ever written."

G. K. Chesterton

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Romeo and Juliet in rhyme
"Such Sweet Sorrow" by Mark Valentine


CHORUS: The narrators.

ROMEO: A young man of the House of Montague

JULIET: A fair maiden of the House of Capulet
SCENE: The House of Capulet. The garden beneath the balcony of Juliet’s room. 

The curtain rises on the Chorus, standing off to the side of the stage.
CHORUS: Before there were the Sharks and Jets,
The Montagues and Capulets
In old Verona wove a tale,
Which now in verse I shall regale:
Young Romeo, in spring of life,
Wants Juliet to be his wife.
But lo, there is a barrier
That blocks his path to marry her.
Their fam’lies’ animosity
Would never let the marriage be.
Thus, our two lovers on the sly,
Dids’t love, dids’t marry, and dids’t die.
But, ‘fore the horse, we’ve placed the cart:
Act One is where we need to start.
The curtain rises, and we find
Good Romeo, whose one-track mind
Now sets its sights on Juliet.
With that, my friends, the stage is set.
(in the garden below Juliet’s window. He speaks aside to the audience)
O, how I love fair Rosaline!
I shall not rest ‘til she is mine!

(Juliet appears on her balcony. Romeo continues his aside)
What light through yonder window breaks?
And can I get fries with those shakes?
What eyes, what hair, what lips, and -- Zounds!
What supple, pouting, tender, mounds!
What shapely hips! What slender waist!
And what a waste if she be chaste,
For even just this passing glance
Has caused some stirring in my pants.
Forgotten now is Rosaline,
‘Tis this young maiden I’ll make mine!

(to Juliet who is touching her cheek with her gloved hand)
O prithee, let me be that glove,
And touch thy cheek and win thy love.
(looking below to find the source of the voice she hears)
Who speaketh to me from the garden?
Another cad who gets a hard’n
From peeping through my room’s window
While hiding in the hedge below?
Come out from there and show thy face,
That I might put thee in thy place!
(stepping into the light)
Fair maiden, I am Romeo,
And though thou dost not know me, O
I pray thee, leave thy balcony,
And come and take a walk with me.
JULIET: A “walk!” you say? Well listen, friend.
A ‘walk’ with you is sure to end
With thee on top and me beneath,
So, keep thy sword there in its sheath,
I like things just the way they are,
With me up here, and you down thar.
Thou knowest well our fam’lies fight,
So, use this glove for love tonight.
(J tosses R her glove)
That’s all the love you’re apt to get,
You’re Montague. I’m Capulet.
Our clans have been at constant war.
Your dad’s a cad!
ROMEO: Your mom’s a whore!
Good Heavens! Why did I just say that?
‘Twas just an impulse, and I pray that
You’ll forgive my errant tongue,
And come with me – the night’s still young.
JULIET: And what I said, I too regret.
My name, young squire, is Juliet.
But it’s our last names, not our first,
That fate our love to be accursed.
ROMEO: So what if I’m a Montague?
The only thing I want is you.
Besides, what is there in a name?
It carries neither pride nor shame.
For that which we would call a rose…
…. I forget how the saying goes,
But you know what I mean to say,
Let’s put this petty feud away.
Our clans have now been quarrelous
For fifty years now, more or less.
And where does all this feuding get us?
It’s all for naught, I say, so let us
Put an end to these attacks,
And make the beast that has two backs.
JULIET: Dost thou think of naught but sex?
ROMEO: Hey, I’m a guy.
JULIET: Well, one suspects
That your intentions are impure.
You’d break my heart – of that I’m sure.
ROMEO: No need to speak so warily,
I never would imperil thee,
For I’m no cad, contrarily,
My aim here is primarily
To win your love -- yea verily!
So merrily, I’ll marry thee.
A wedding banquet there will be.
And for dessert-- a cherry, oui?
JULIET: A word from France, a wedding dance,
That sounds a bit more like romance.
Though at first glance, I looked askance,
In light of this new circumstance,
Perhaps I’ll modify my stance,
And acquiesce to thy advance.
And when we’re married, there’s a chance
I’ll quell the unrest in thy pants.
ROMEO: I like the way thou droppeth rhyme.
Since we’re agreed, let’s waste no time.
I know a guy named Friar Tuck.
He’ll marry us so we can …
(interrupting)Good luck
With that – your plan’s no good.
For Friar Tuck’s from Robin Hood.
Friar Laurence is the man
With whom you should devise your plan.
ROMEO: I always get those two mixed up.
Well never fear, my buttercup,
I’ll see the Friar straight away.
Tomorrow is our wedding day!

(Exit Romeo)

CHORUS: So, they get married in Act Two.
The devil, though, must have his due.
And thus, the ending’s sad to tell.
Their love affair does not end well:
Some swords are drawn, some blood is shed,
Some poison’s drunk, then all are dead.
I guess the lovers’ stars got crossed,
And sealed their fate, but all’s not lost,
For they would rise again in glory,
In the form of “West Side Story”.

Calling Poetic Script Writers!
Contest Winner

Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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